Whilst cleaning my desk, I found tens of tens of post-its that I had jotted tiny notes on and decided to clean the mess and share my findings with you.

In most cases, I just wrote one sentence or a phrase and had to figure out what the hell I was thinking when I wrote such nonsense down. Here goes:

I hope poor Elon Musk doesn’t have more troubles, between cars having combustible engines (in the wrong sense) and getting fired on his honeymoon. Elongate would drag on forever.

When the moon hits your knees and you mispronounce trees, Sycamore.

I was listening to a song by the band Modest Mouse really loud and could not for the life of me remember the name of the band. So, I called it Humble Hamster.

I took a class in sign language and had an exam fast approaching. A friend said, “fingers crossed.” And I told them there was a lot more to it than that.

I bought a plunger on Amazon. I couldn’t be bothered to run to the store I suppose. So, now I get emails every day from Amazon tempting me to purchase toilet seats and toilet paper dispensers. I refuse to pamper myself.

Did the band Counting Crows ever provide us with an actual number?

A cat goes into a bar. The bartender asks, “What are you having?” Cat: “I’ll have a shot of tequila.” Bartender pours a shot, gives it to the cat. Cat slowly knocks it off the bar. Cat: “Another.”

Do people who run know that we’re not food anymore?

A practical serving size for pizza is until self-loathing begins.

Not everybody was Kung Fu fighting. Some of us were trying to break it up.

Two books that I have been dying to read: “What they teach you at Harvard Business school,” and “What they don’t teach you at Harvard business school.” I think I’m covered.

I read a Wikipedia entry for “members of Simon and Garfunkel.” It was a short read.

Remember: You can do anything you want to do. Reach for the sky. Go anywhere you want to go. You are the only thing that’s stopping you. There are no limits.

I wonder if Sally’s parents were pleased with her selling seashells by the seashore. Where there are tons of free seashells. Moron.

I think a true “Crazy Train” wouldn’t need to announce, “All aboard.”

My body is a temple. But it’s one of those in Thailand or someplace, where they let the monkeys poop everywhere.

I am sick of the hipsters wearing their Abercrombie and Fitch sweatshirts. I bet they can’t even name one Abercrombie and Fitch album.

A girl friend of mine said that “pick up artists” and “garbage men” should switch titles.

I’ve noticed that if you look at a picture of Donald Trump, his eyes and his mouth are doing the same pose.

I saw a kid jumping in a bouncy house with his hands in his pockets. I guess he didn’t want to have too much fun.

In Florida, I saw a sign at an alligator farm of a stick person lifting their child and an alligator trying to eat the child. But there was no red line through the image, so I guess it’s OK.

I went to a gender reveal party. I was the only naked person there.

I’m aging like a fine banana.

I can’t for the life of me figure out why turkeys are always so awake with all that tryptophan in them.

I love you just the way you are. But I do have a few suggestions.

I just want to be rich enough so I can tell people, “You’re out of my will!”

Millennials. Walking around like they rent the place.

When I want to flirt, I always open with, “I have good health insurance.”

I’ve always been tempted to buy a live lobster and then throw it in the ocean to warn the other lobsters.

Considering the amount of time my phone spends plugged in, you might as well call it a landline.

My newest diet idea is to take all my clothes off before I eat.

Sometimes I’m late. But not ‘walk up the escalator’ late.

When I lived in NYC, people would bring their bikes onto the subway. Don’t they realize what bikes do?

I quit seeing my life coach. He kept throwing his headset at me.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll keep you posted.

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