Who do you blame? The Millenials, social media or the nuclear explosion that is fantasy football?

Answer: Yes.

How else can you explain the phenomena that is the quarterback commodities market? Might as well be soybeans, pork bellies or frozen orange concentrate the way player values fluctuate these days. Seriously, players ebb and flow by the throw.

The pounding Tom Brady, the guy whose quarterback rating was 124.8 before the trip to Buffalo, is taking this week has been Tyson-esque, not just by fans or haters on ESPN but by team beat guys. It’s criminal. Apparently, TB12’s next franchise will be at Green Grove Retirement Home … off of one cruddy Sunday afternoon in Buffalo.

I should expect no less, in this day-and-age, right? Anyone under 30 had their hero, Baker Mayfield, in Canton. And why not? He did go 7-7 in the pathetic AFC North as a rookie.

So today, with the knowledge of 20-plus years on the beat at Gillette Stadium, I will do you all a favor and cull the NFL’s current quarterback crowd into three categories: The elite, the middle-of-the-packers and, of course, the future accountants of America.

THE ELITE

Tom Brady goes without saying. He is the Bret “The Hitman” Hart of football, the best there is, the best there was and the best there will be.

Aaron Rodgers, Patrick Mahomes, Drew Brees and Russell Wilson all have punched their tickets.

They are legit, potential champs, year in and year out until his retirement.

But there has to be more.

Let’s start with the young guns.

I am so into Lamar Jackson in Baltimore. The kid oozes winner. Just trust you arm kid. It’s legit. And you will be a star.

Jimmy G? Absolutely. The return to glory for the Niners is imminent.

But so is the resurgence of the Arizona Cardinals, because Kyler Murray is a play-a.

He’s got a stubborn mule for a coach who firmly believes he invented offense and will never change things up, but I still have faith in DeSean Watson of the Texans.

He’s a gunslinger with plenty of bullets, but he needs some help from the braintrust.

But is Watson the

second-best QB in the AFC South? Don’t know about you, but I’m loving me some Gardner Minshew in Jacksonville.

Somebody catch Ole’ Man Rivers out there with the Chargers before he slides down a peg. The guy played the Pats with a torn ACL. I simply can’t forget that, the Dan Marino of our time.

Dak Prescott in Dallas and Carson Wentz in Philly? Aw, heck yeah. This rivalry should be great.

THE PACK

Admit it, you’re like me. You see the Rams Jared Goff and you think, good not great. Everyone does.

Jacoby Brissett of the Colts is the poster-child for this group, the best of the centrally located NFL QB lot. I like him. He’s exhausting his talents, and he fights. But we all have our limits.

The man and his spleen in New York, Sam Darnold, is destined to be the next Joe Willy … I mean Ken O’Brien. Look it up, he tortured some awful Pats teams back in the day. Fortunately for us, New England is now the standard, not the pathetic stepping stone.

As for the other Meadowlands residents? Daniel Jones, aka Darnold 2.0, might as well be a carbon copy.

And yes, Baker belongs here, with the rest of the also-rans, not in Canton. He’s in Cleveland kids, and I believe that translates from an obscure Native American dialect that means place where mediocre QBs go to die.

If Matt Ryan didn’t play in a dome on a carpet in Atlanta, he’d already have put that Boston College degree to good use.

Kyle Allen’s a great story in Carolina. Sorry, this level is his ceiling.

Am I the only one left on the bandwagon for Minnesota’s Kirk Cousins? How about Mitchell Trubisky of the Bears? Yes and yes. Solid could land either in the Super Bowl someday. Trubisky has the best defense in the game, and Cousins’ weapons are the envy of many veterans, including the guy at Patriot Place.

THE ACCOUNTANTS

Can you believe what Tampa’s Jameis Winston did to the Rams this week? Doesn’t that make the previous 59 starts of his pathetic career really tick you off?

Not that he has to manage his own money, but Ben Roethlisberger from the Steelers is done. And on the way out, he can take Pittsburgh’s future, Mason Rudolph with him.

Did anyone catch Andy Dalton’s act with Cincinnati on Monday night? It’s minutes before he’s benched, and that dude isn’t ever coming back.

Dear Marcus Mariota, I apologize. I can no longer hold on to yesterday. I have abandoned ship, and so will your Tennesse Titans’ coach Mike Vrabel by midseason.

Derek Carr of the Raiders bought a new house in Vegas. Great, he’ll have plenty of free time to hit the links during the day and take in shows at night because he won’t be quarterbacking the Raiders for long.

And when somebody lets me know who the faceless starters are this week in Washington and Denver, I will add them to this list.

The laughter you are hearing as you read this is me losing it over people thinking that Matt Stafford and the 2-1-1 Lions are headed anywhere but the top 10 picks in the 2020 draft. Sorry, Matty P.

Miami’s Josh Rosen? Destined to be out of the league by January.

Oh yeah, when Buffalo’s Josh Allen wakes up, let him know this is exactly where he belongs.

Contact Hector Longo at 594-1253 or hlongo@nashuatelegraph.com.

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