Mike Morin

Got a few things to get off my chest. My therapist is on a Bahamas vacation that I’m pretty sure my neuroses paid for. Today, you are my therapist. I’ll buy you a drink next time I see you at Martha’s. Then you can tell me your troubles.

First, my seven-month old Westie puppy was spayed the day after Thanksgiving and has to be kept calm for two weeks to avoid damaging the incision. I get the feeling my vet didn’t get the memo that terriers are high strung dogs and I hope she used piano wire to suture up her little belly. She’s behaving 180-degrees from the prescribed rest. No jumping, running or enjoying a dog’s life. She is defying doctor’s orders. So far, so good, though. That piano wire is holding nicely while Portia Rose does air pirouettes as I deliver her meals.

Second, whoever thought getting a West Highland terrier puppy when you are well past 60 was a good idea? Because of breathing allergies, I had to go hypoallergenic. Not many of those available to rescue.

I’m pretty sure there will be no holiday tree for doggie’s first Christmas. I’ve discovered she likes eating pine needles when we are out walking. A Christmas tree would be a veritable smorgasbord for the young pup.

Portia also likes coffee beans (highly toxic). She got ahold of one as I was refilling the bean hopper of our coffee machine. It was an espresso bean and she was four pounds at the time. A spoonful of hydrogen peroxide took care of that. She quickly and involuntarily surrendered said bean.

A few weeks later, our naughty ravenous omnivore somehow located a toothpick on the kitchen floor. Luckily, she chewed it enough to smaller pieces which she passed within four days. I was assigned to “NCIS Nashua: Poop Patrol” duty for those four days until she finally passed the lumber. But, there was a bonus for dad. She somehow also chewed up part of a Poland Springs water bottle label. Forgive the indelicate descriptions, but because of the green label, at first it looked like a $5-bill. Imagine my disappointment. If you ever had a puppy, you know that high alert vigilance isn’t always good enough.

What else is bugging me? I made my first-ever Cyber Monday purchase – online, of course. Scored a new Apple 27-inch iMac desk computer. Apple never gives deals, but last Monday I scored this baby for $600 off. That’s the good news. I think everybody else did, too. As of Thursday, I’m waiting for an email to pick it up at the DW Highway Best Buy. Could’ve had it delivered, but I feel more productive fighting Pleasant Lane traffic during holiday shopping season.

I’m hoping nuisance nibbler Portia can keep my new wireless keyboard out of her Jaws mouth. Of course, if my Apple isn’t here by summer, I can have the real Jaws munch my computer as I write my next book on the beach at Hampton.

Contact Mike Morin at mike morinmedia@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @MikeMorinMedia.

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