Mike Morin

It was devastating news two weeks ago. Klondike would no longer make those deliciously satisfying heart attacks in a taco-shaped waffle cone. The Choco Taco was going away so the company could focus on other products.

Even though a Choco Taco has never crossed my lips, ending it seemed to be an idea worse than deep-sixing Oscar Meyer sandwich spread, purple ketchup and sugar-free Gummy Bears. Unilever, owners of Klondike gave a pretty lame comment following the hell fire Choco Taco fans were breathing.

“We’re working hard to find a way to bring Choco Taco back to ice cream trucks in the coming years,” it said. Great. Mr. Softee to the rescue.

Fortunately, necessity is the mother of invention. Or exploitation. A whole bunch of Boston restaurants are offering their own take on Choco Tacos. And they are probably better, presumably being made by hand in local kitchens by non-robotic humans. Places like Honeycomb Creamery, Lionheart Confections and others are giving this 40-year old dessert a gourmet spin.

I predict that space shot entrepreneur Elon Musk will create a fleet of Teslas made of non-melting chocolate that will deliver his version of the treat to consumers. Check his Twitter feeds.

Hasn’t Unilever learned its lesson from the tragic Twinkie disappearance of 2012? The morning the Hostess announcement was made of discontinuance, I bought a box of ten and auctioned them off at a charity breakfast fundraiser I was hosting. Then-Manchester Mayor Ted Gatsas helped me pull in over a thousand dollars for the Salvation Army. That’s $100 per cake. But wait, a grand is nothing for a beloved ice cream treat going the way of the glaciers. What I’m about to share is even stupider (sorry grammar police) than Klondike’s bad business move.

As of just a few days ago, nearly 200 people were selling Choco Tacos on eBay, the popular online selling and auction site. The highest asking price for a single Choco Taco is $6,942. The seller claims they will give $1,000 to charity from the proceeds.

In this month of 90-plus-degree weather, would you send your last seven-grand to this guy for a perishable consumable? If you answered “Yes,” I am selling municipal bonds for the completion of the Circumferential Highway that was dreamed up locally in the 1950s.

Here’s a better deal people were biting on: A case of 20 Choco Tacos, shipped with dry ice for $5,000. Believe it or not, as I write this, there were two bidders lusting after these delicious dinosaur delicacies.

And there are 193 other eBay hopefuls, including three I spotted within 20 miles of my zip code in Nashua. Turns out sellers who were not as greedy as the ones I mentioned have many more interested bidders.

If I had just won that $1.34-billion lotto last week I could have been a hero and bought three Choco Tacos for every American. Hey, Ted Gatsas, wanna go in with me on a case? I promise not to tell your cardiologist.

Contact Mike Morin at mike morinmedia@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @MikeMorinMedia. His column runs the first, third and fifth Sundays of the month.

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