Mike Morin

DISCLAIMER: By time you read this, the Mega Millions billion-dollar jackpot may have already been won Friday night (I submitted this last Wednesday).

DISCLAIMER #2: I have no idea the condition of Nashua’s finances and budget, so the following free advice I’m offering to Mayor Jim Donchess may not at all be grounded in reality. Of course, reality never played a part in my columns as I start year No. 19 with today’s episode in the Nashua Telegraph.

I’m pretty sure no one has ever attended an alderman’s meeting and suggested budget funding by lottery. In 2019, the city budget was listed at around $260-million dollars. With a billion dollar Mega Millions windfall, officials could run Nashua for almost four years. With that kind of cash, your taxes would shrink to almost nothing for a while.

Would it kill the city to budget about $20-a week for a chance at an in-the-black budget?

Don’t like my idea? Feel free to trash me on one of the Nashua neighborhood social pages. But first, I do have a Plan B you may like: The city buys a Mega Millions ticket and if the prize is a billion like it was Friday and we hit, every man, woman and child scores $111,111 (based on an estimated population of 90,000). You’re on your own for the taxes. We’ll find some slick attorneys at our favorite Nashua firm, Dewey, Cheatem and Howe.

I’d love this to happen just to watch the New Hampshire Lottery Commission have to print up 90,000 of those giant cardboard checks that big winners receive for large winnings.

So, how do we make this plan sustainable? Remember, the local seller of multi-million dollar winning tickets (in this case, the city of Nashua), gets a 5% commission (according to playport.com), so a billion dollar lotto win would kick back $50 million to the buyer, we the residents of Nashua. With that money, we can continue to invest in more lotteries. In the meantime, city hall could become a Cumberland Farms store as well, where you can pick up a six-pack of Bud and some jerky after renewing your car’s registration every year. It’s an innovative plan whose time has come.

As an added revenue stream, let me suggest a new scratch game with a Nashua theme, called “Suspension Sweepstakes.” Just scratch off three matching pot holes and instantly win prizes ranging from a new set of tires to a free course in anger management at Nashua Community College. Want an edgier game? How about the “S*** Sweepstakes?” Match three swears and win any number of prizes, including having Andrew Dice Clay record your mobile phone’s outgoing greeting. “Yo, #@*#**!”

“Please play responsibly.” If you see those posters going up in the mayor’s office, you’ll know my idea was taken to heart and we could all be living large at $111,111 each. Got five people in your household? That adds up to over a half-mil, baby.

Thanks and remember to please read my column responsibly.

Contact Mike Morin at mike morinmedia@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @MikeMorinMedia. His column runs the first, third and fifth Sundays of the month.

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