Mike Morin

I haven’t been to Costco since the pandemic set in two years ago. And for no reason. I understand free food sampling has returned there, with appropriate protocols. People love to bulk up while shopping in bulk.

A few years ago, I watched a shopper eating a Costco rotisserie chicken with his fingers while pushing his Hummer-sized carriage around the South Nashua food warehouse.

It may be time Costco consider free sampling of non-consumables. It would be healthier, and a way to promote products that don’t add to your girth. Costco marketing peeps, are you listening?

Toilet paper is a place to start. There is no more personal consumer product than T.P. I have worked at radio stations where I actually brought my own stash from home. Since I couldn’t get a toilet paper rider in my employee agreement, I brought my own Northern super soft wipes. Before committing to a 64-roll package of Kirkland bath tissues, I’d like a few sheets to sample in the store restroom.

While I’m in the bathroom, I would like to sample disposable razor blades. I use a Gillette five-blade disposable cartridge at home. Since everything is super-sized there, I imagine there are Kirkland shaving cartridges with 25 blades that will give my face a baby bottom’s feel.

Costco has good deals on vacuum cleaners. I’d like to be able to try one first. If there’s a Rice Krispies spill in aisle 56, I’ll be there to test the Kirkland Power Suck battery-operated unit. Staying in the cleaning theme, I’d like to sample Costco’s scented kitchen bags. While lemon or lilac are common bag smells, might I suggest trash bags with a more appealing scent? I could get jazzed about Hefty bags that reek of waffles, marinara sauce or cookies and cream. Since I’m not inclined to try the free food samples, I can at least enjoy a trash bag sample that smells like bacon. Are you listening Costco? I’m offering million dollar ideas here.

I’d like to try their 18-ounce big red plastic cups. After downing a cold beer in my red Costco cup this summer, I want to be environmentally responsible by using said cup for further applications. Like, how many pens can it hold without tipping over? Can it stand up to holding a pound of random screws in my workshop?

Realizing that buying fresh produce in bulk presents storage challenges, Costco’s blog page actually has a section called, “Embrace Produce in Big Batches.” Great idea. I’d like to attend a Costco canning class to learn what our grandparents did generations ago. It’s sampling reimagined.

A few other non-food sampling suggestions: Have the Club Demonstration Service people hand out trial reading glasses as shoppers enter the store to help read labels while cruising the aisles. How about deodorant samples so we can ask fellow shoppers if they’d like a whiff of the Kirkland “spring roses” sample roll-on I’m sporting.

Of course, that’s when I’d be sampling dirty looks for other shoppers.

Contact Mike Morin at mike morinmedia@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @MikeMorinMedia. His column runs the first, third and fifth Sundays of the month.