Don Canney

The time has come to replace our very aging television set which sits in a downstairs room. The picture seems to have developed grey “lines” in it, and, although it is indeed a flat screen, it is admittedly, an albatross. I am probably dating myself by referring to it as a television “set.” I guess they no longer make those.

Step one, as in any product purchase, was finding something to fit our needs. I didn’t want anything fancy or too high tech, but today there is no such thing. Everything is “smart” (my typical line when discussing my cellphone is, I have a smart phone but a dumb user).

Perusing through one of the local big box stores, scoping out the dozens of TVs on display is a dizzying and confusing experience. Sizes ranging from 24 to 90 inches with terminologies like smart, AndroidTV, Chromecast, Bluetooth, Dolby, dts virtual, refresh rate, HDMI, YouTube, UHD, 4K, Hulu, Disney+, Prime, HBO+ (I guess the basic channels are no longer sufficient as everyone now offers a “plus,” of course, at an additional cost, maybe that’s what the “plus” really means). All this after searching for a basic unit with nothing fancy for a room where the TV is watched only occasionally.

After considering the dizzying array of offerings, I was picturing Rod Serling, of Twilight Zone fame, walking out from one of the display sets saying in his trademark fashion, “Picture this, downtown Nashua circa 1963, where there are 4 television and appliance stores, and you can choose between black and white or color sets in sizes ranging from 19-25 inches.”

It left me longing for the days when I could go to Sears, Bud Tate’s or Ray Hackett’s and choose a TV set based upon what cabinet would match our existing furniture (that would typically be colonial, blonde, or modern) and arrange free delivery and hook-up. Back then it was just hook-up, versus installation. That would mean placing it in the room, plugging it in and connecting rabbit ears or a cable that led to a rooftop antenna. And in the days before credit cards, if cash were tight, one could purchase on “time” (essentially, the store floating you a loan, trusting that you would make the payments).

So, I decided to buy what was described as a “basic” unit which appeared to be reasonably priced. And of course, during these Covid days, another concern was availability. But it was in stock! Yay!

I got it home and decided to put it to one side until some other more pressing projects were completed around the house, knowing full well that in today’s world, the TV installation could in fact be, another project.

Now, the time has come to attempt installation. But before that, I decided to look online to see if there was any instructional video on how to do so. Searching for the model, size and manufacturer, a video was indeed available. Again – yay! But after watching said video, I concluded that the days of simply attaching a cable and plugging the unit in have long passed. And I also concluded that, like the phone analogy, I had a smart TV but once again, a dumb user.

Select HDMI 1, HDMI 2 or HDMI 3, select language, connect Bluetooth, connect cable 1, cable 2, select language, program voice remote, search channels, select input, install batteries, create password, create account, add service, add charge card number, ad nauseum!

Huh? I felt like I had fallen asleep and woken up in a foreign land using a language I have never spoken. Just where do I hook up the rabbit ears? I just want to watch some basic TV! Andy Griffith! Carol Burnett! Ed Sullivan! Where are you? Hello?

To put it in today’s savvy language, OMG, FWIW, this is not a LOL situation. IDK how to do this and this TV is not my BFF, but I would certainly like to get this done ASAP! (OK, that last one has been around a while).

Much to my chagrin, those self-proclaimed nerds who drive from appointment to appointment in snazzy black and white VW Beetles arrive on Tuesday.

Don Canney is a freelance writer and professional voice artist. He was born and raised in downtown Nashua with great interest in Nashua history circa 1950-1970. He now resides in Litchfield.

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