Teresa Santoski

Certain decisions have a tremendous impact on your life – who you marry, where you work, where you live. And right up there, I’ve discovered, is choosing what your grandparent name will be.

Oldest Younger Brother and Sister-in-law recently had their first child – an adorable baby girl. She’s the first grandchild on our side of the family, which has led to a great deal of discussion as to what she should call Mom and Dad.

Younger Sister is especially invested in this conversation since she’s hoping to have children one day as well. By the time her children come along, Mom and Dad’s grandparent names will pretty much be set in stone, so she wants to make sure that she agrees with whatever names are selected.

I hadn’t realized that choosing your grandparent name was such a big deal. We didn’t have particularly creative names for any of my grandparents. I called my grandmothers “Grandma” and my grandfathers “Grandpa” – or at least I thought I did.

Dad told me that I used to call his father “Pop-Pop.” Since I was the first grandchild on that side of the family, I set the precedent, and my cousins initially called our grandfather “Pop-Pop” as well. But since I lived a good six hours away and didn’t see my grandparents as often as my cousin who lived locally, when he started calling our grandfather “Grandpa,” the name stuck, and all of us cousins began using it.

Grandparental appellations were a bit more colorful for my parents’ generation. Dad called his father’s mother “Grams.” He and his brothers didn’t have a name for their grandfather on that side as he passed away before any of them were born.

Dad’s other set of grandparents were Grandpa and Baba. Baba is a Slovak word for grandmother, and it’s pronounced the way it looks. It also means “old woman,” which caused no end of amusement for Dad and his brothers.

The monikers for Mom’s grandparents don’t require any translation, given that that side of the family is mostly from England. Her mother’s parents were Gram and Gramp, and her father’s parents were Grandma and Grandpa.

And this is where we’ve started encountering difficulties. Mom likes the name Gram, but she doesn’t want to be called that herself because in her mind, Gram is her grandmother. She isn’t really a Nana or a Nanny or a Mimi, and neither is she a Memaw or a Lovey or a Gigi.

Dad has decided that he wants to be called “Grumpy,” which suits him quite well. He’s a rather intimidating-looking guy when you first meet him, but once you get to know him, you realize what a kind and generous person he is. My niece already has him wrapped around her little finger.

Mom now has the added challenge of finding a grandma name that pairs well with Grumpy. I suggested that perhaps she could be Doc or Sneezy or one of the other seven dwarves, but that was about as well received as you would imagine. She’s been leaning towards Grandmummy as a nod to her English heritage, plus “Grumpy and Grandmummy” has a nice ring to it.

Things have been more straightforward for Youngest Brother, Younger Sister and me, who will simply be Uncle or Aunt followed by our first name. I have an additional option, as I was also asked to be a godmother, and I’ve already decided that I’m going to be a godmother of the fairy variety.

I anticipate my niece will most likely address me as Aunt, but there may be times when she refers to me as her godmother. For example, say she gets her driver’s license and wants to have her own car, but her parents tell her it’s not in the budget. I’d wave my magic wand at the pumpkin of her choice, and presto – a safe and reliable Honda or Volvo. That is definitely a moment where it would be appropriate to address me as Godmother.

But that’s where things get tricky. No matter what our preferences may be, no matter how much research we do and how much effort we invest in determining what we want to be called, Niece will ultimately call us what she wants to call us. And there isn’t much we can do about that.

As you all know, my name is Teresa, and both Oldest Younger Brother and Youngest Brother managed to pronounce it just fine when they were little. Younger Sister then came along and started calling me “Tree Stump.” It was also her first word, which makes me feel oddly honored. She no longer calls me that, but it just goes to show that you have very little control over what your family members call you because they have their own opinions on the matter.

Mom is therefore trying to figure out what she’d like her grandma name to be without being overly invested in the outcome, since her preferences will ultimately be secondary to whatever Niece comes up with – or is able to pronounce.

In the end, the most important thing is that Niece knows her grandparents and aunts and uncle love her. As long as we succeed in that department, she can call us anything she wants. But I might have to draw the line at Aunt Tree Stump.

Tete-a-tete is published monthly. Teresa Santoski can be reached at tsantoski@gmail.com or via www.teresasantoski.com.

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