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‘I wish I was the person my dog thinks I am’

By Mike Morin - For The Telegraph | Sep 4, 2021

Mike Morin is pictured here with his dog, Basia, at Hampton Beach.

My late Grandma Ackerman always reminded me as a child, “You learn something new every day.” What she never mentioned, though, is that some of that imparted wisdom would come from a dog. My life-learning curriculum came full circle when I got my first dog at age 61. Up to that point, I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

My little four-legged professor, Basia, passed away a week ago of complications from heart disease at 9 years old. I decided to honor her life as my beloved companion and unexpected teacher with a few words here. If you are a pet person, you will totally get it.

One of the first lessons I learned when Basia was a puppy was to not take her in the woods to pee so that I might avoid having brown spots on my lawn. In the tall grass of the wooded lot next door she became a tick magnet and before long I realized she had as much right to be on the turf as I did.

Pretty much after that, she became the boss and I was the trainee. Once we got the potty thing solved, Basia went straight to work at molding me into the kind of human she could convince to do what she wanted. And it worked.

I also learned dogs have a sense of smell about 1,000 times that of humans, which explains why Basia’s favorite scent pursuit was that of rabbit poop. I found out early on that, in general, it’s pretty harmless. Though not appealing to me, rabbit castings are probably healthier than stuff I enjoy like bacon or sushi.

Basia enjoyed fetching tennis balls more than anything. She would not return the ball to the area near my feet. Instead she would drop it at least 10-feet away to make me walk the extra distance to pick it up. I’m pretty sure I was being punished for exposing her needlessly to ticks when she was a few months old. If an elephant never forgets, a small mutt not only never forgets but makes you pay a price.

My biggest doggie takeaway is that they can read their people like a book. And before long, I was reading her just as adeptly. For instance, when she wanted a snack, she’d walk over to the cupboard where the treats were and stare at me relentlessly until I capitulated and offered her what she wanted.

My final life lesson is already apparent to dog owners. However you define soul, I truly believe that dogs have one. They possess an innate goodness that I wish more people had. I have a sign in my house that reads, “I wish I was the person my dog thinks I am.” Well, I’m not. And in my opinion, that is setting the bar impossibly high for we humans.

Simply put, dogs are people minus the flaws. So, grandma Ackerman, I did learn something every day from my dear dog, Basia. Rest well, my love.

•••

HGTV WILL BE MY DEMISE

I know many of you have “cut the cord.” You are so done with cable and now get your fix of Breaking Bad and Orange is the New Black via Hulu or Prime or placing tin foil on your cable box. My $200/monthly cable ransom may be escalating to $5,000 or $10,000/month soon. I’ll be paying with Bitcoin then. How can that be?

Are you familiar with HGTV? Well, I ignored it until news channels I watched put me in a funk and Lady Baba sat me in front of the Property Brothers, who are not only pleasant but never mention Kabul Airport or California wildfires. That’s the good news.

The bad news is, after watching a steady diet of people making their homes over, Barbie is now getting anxious to convert our 401k reserves into fancy backsplashes and a gilded bidet in the master bath. Looks like Orange is the New Red Ink in my world.

Am I alone here? Yes, it is enjoyable to look at white marble countertops with grey veining on a TV show renovation. In case you haven’t noticed, grey is the current kitchen color these days, with white cupboards. And everyone is knocking out kitchen walls to create one giant room so visiting company can watch and laugh at you from the living room while you scorch their grilled salmon on your new 14-burner Wolf gas range. I’m sensing my life could be trending in that direction. Thank you, HGTV.

For the uninitiated, HGTV lists hundreds, yes hundreds of shows, past and current. To bring you into the home makeover world, I will share a handful of shows we watch with a “recommend” or “avoid” rating to help you decide, based on my twisted perspective. Remember: watching HGTV will literally cause you to spend money, creating the spike in cable TV cost.

• My Lottery Dream Home: Hosted by designer David Bromstad, a delightful guy who seems fueled by multiple cups of coffee. I do like him and try to guess which season rerun is playing based on the new tattoos he sports every year. Recommend.

• Christina on the Coast: Host Christina Haack is bubbly and fun but limits her reno repertoire to homes near the coast of Southern California. Lady Baba wonders why we can’t move to Rockport, Mass. and hire Christina to design our space. Answer: Median sold home price is $951,000, according to Realtor.com. Avoid.

• 40-Year Old Property Virgin: This is the home show that takes a 40-ish guy from his mom’s cellar and puts him in his first home. Everyone wins. Parents are thrilled and the kid ups his self-esteem game by escaping basement mildew and will now have much more space to display his Star Trek action figures. Highly Recommend.

We love our mid-century California ranch in South Nashua. Yes, it could use some grey-veined white marble counter tops and a few walls knocked down. And for those wondering what the letters HGTV stand for: It’s HEY GET THE VODKA.

Contact Mike Morin at mike morinmedia@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @MikeMorinMedia. His column runs the first, third and fifth Sundays of the month.

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