George Pelletier

Businessman Harvey Mackay said, “Talent is God-given; be humble. Fame is man-given; be thankful. Conceit is self-given; be careful.”

Celebrity and strange behavior go together like baldness and a can of spray hair. Like cigarettes and an iron lung. Like a gender reveal and a wildfire.

You hardly know where to begin. Citing Michael Jackson peculiarities is like making Trump jokes. Too easy.

Here in no order is crazy, followed by crazy topped with a dollop of crazy and a few crazies sprinkled for good measure.

I’M NOT CLEANING THAT CLOSET: While her fans were patiently waiting for her to release new music, rapper Azealia Banks was busy casting spells and sacrificing animals. In 2016, a series of now-deleted Instagram videos showed Banks talking about “brujeria” – a type of magic – and complaining about having to clean the apparently blood-stained closet where she ritually killed chickens. What a clucking mess.

IS THAT 15-LOVE OR 15-LEWD? O.J. Simpson vs. Bill Cosby? That’s a match-up that’s weird enough without adding tennis and a Playboy sponsorship in the mix. In 1981, these two duked it out on a tennis court, surrounded by scantily clad women, in what Playboy called “the Cosby Celebrity Challenge.” Just don’t drink anything handed to you. And don’t leave your glasses at the restaurant.

WHAT’S THE ZIP CODE FOR THAT? The Artist Formerly Known as Prince did not suffer fools gladly. Case in point, when Matt Damon tried to make small talk and asked whether the singer lived in Minnesota, Prince simply responded with the enigmatic, “I live inside my own heart, Matt Damon.” This is what it sounds like when doves belie.

SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE: In 1982, singer John Denver’s estranged wife cut down his oak trees, which triggered him to grab a chainsaw and cut everything in their home in half, including the bed. I hear the twins are okay.

AN AMERICAN PURVEYOR OF LADIES IN PARIS: Before James Lipton hosted “Inside the Actor’s Studio,” he spent a year in Paris working as – get ready for the rim shot – an agent for escorts. Lipton was fairly open about his past, insisting that the French treat their women well. He referred to this job as one of those “rites of passage. It was a great year.” Where was my guidance counselor when I needed career advice like this?

OPEN WIDE: “Clueless” actress Alicia Silverstone posted a video on her health site wherein she feeds her son, Bear, like a mother bird. Putting a new twist on “mouth-to-mouth,” Silverstone describes and demonstrates how she “fed Bear the mochi and a tiny bit of veggies from the soup . . from [her] mouth to his.” She insists, “It’s his favorite and mine.” I am not going to dinner at her house anytime soon.

IN A FIRE STATION FAR, FAR AWAY: Once you create “Star Wars,” the sky is truly the limit. So why shouldn’t George Lucas own a personal fire truck and 12 full-time firefighters? That’s one way to defend yourself against fan flame wars.

PUT AWAY THAT PUTTER: Ah, Tiger Woods: golf’s answer to Britney Spears. Woods once admitted that he was undergoing therapy after having adulterous affairs. There’s an antidote for that? I thought it was a wife’s frying pan to the head. There was the infamous 2009 car accident and another “high speed” single-car accident outside Los Angeles in February 2021. Woods’ body has taken a beating. At this point, unless they install a windmill and a giant clown head on the PGA tour, Woods may have to settle for playing miniature golf from here on out.

OOPS SHE DID IT AGAIN: Ah, Britney Spears: pop music’s answer to Tiger Woods. She has shaved her head, attacked a car with an umbrella, danced with flowers in a now-infamous string of strange videos posted to Instagram and has instigated a #FreeBritney movement. And this March, Spears, making Courtney Love look like Mother Theresa, uploaded a photo of a baby skull being held by a woman. The caption didn’t do a whole lot to explain things for her followers, reading: “Devil is in the details …. wouldn’t want this baby to hit me one more time.” I dare Christina Aguielera to beat that.

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