Teresa Santoski

We tend to think that our preferences are the only preferences. We assume that other people like what we like, and we don’t really think to ask otherwise. I mean, why would we? After all, we wouldn’t like things if they weren’t the best possible options, right?

But shockingly, other people may have different preferences – even people in your own family. And, like me, you could find out that you’ve been assuming that your family members share your preferences when they really don’t.

I am talking, of course, about sandwiches.

Not long ago, Mom and I decided to share a sub for lunch. It was cut into four pieces – two end pieces and two middle pieces. I asked her if she wanted one of the end pieces. End pieces are my preference, so I’ve always assumed they were hers as well. I didn’t want to be rude and take the best parts of the sub without asking.

Mom shook her head. “No thanks. I prefer the middle pieces. Do you mind if I take one of those?”

This revelation was devastating, to say the least. Not because I was appalled that she didn’t like what I liked, but because on the occasions when I’ve been in charge of sub division, I would automatically give her end pieces. In my mind, I was making sure she got the best.

Instead, I was giving her something she disliked, and both of us were eating our least favorite parts of the sandwich and thinking we were sacrificing for the sake of the other person. So much needless pain and suffering.

See, I like the end pieces because I find them easier to eat. They hold together when you pick them up, and the meat and the cheese and the vegetables don’t slop out of the sides and land on your plate – or if you’re particularly unlucky, your lap. You can take a bite out of an end piece without dislocating your jaw due to the amount of sandwich filling. Also, I like bread.

Mom likes the middle pieces because you get more of the sandwich filling and less of the bread. She doesn’t like it when there’s more bread than filling, and if she has to have an end piece, she’ll make it into a middle piece by picking off most of the bread.

Once I realized that Mom and I had completely opposite sandwich section preferences, I had to poll the rest of the family and see what parts of the sandwich they preferred. It turns out we’re split pretty evenly between middle pieces and end pieces.

Like Mom, Younger Sister likes middle pieces because you get more ingredients, and she feels there’s too much bread in an end piece. Oldest Younger Brother and Sister-in-law also prefer middle pieces. Oldest Younger Brother’s reasoning is that having a middle piece maximizes the amount of filling you get, and Sister-in-law believes that middle pieces have better proportions, as the end pieces might not contain all the ingredients.

Like me, Dad prefers end pieces because he’s always liked the heel of the bread. Youngest Brother also likes end pieces because they’re easier to hold and the filling is less likely to fall out. Though I appreciate that I’m in good company with my preference for end pieces, the numbers are a bit unfortunate. A sub can have many middle pieces depending on its size, but there can only be two end pieces. Since there are three of us who like end pieces, there will still be sacrifice involved when sharing a sub as a family.

It’s against my personal rules of etiquette to provide a meal without offering dessert – even if the meal is only hypothetical – so I asked my family about brownie preferences as well. Mom and Dad both like edge pieces because they enjoy a bit of crunch to their brownies. Younger Sister and Sister-in-law prefer inside pieces as they like their brownies a little underdone rather than overdone. To quote Younger Sister directly, “ooey-gooey” is the best texture.

Youngest Brother and I both like corner pieces. Youngest Brother likes them because he finds them chewier, and he doesn’t like crumbly or gooey brownies. Corner pieces are my preference because they don’t turn into mush as easily. I feel like I’m actually eating a brownie instead of a lump of raw brownie batter.

Oldest Younger Brother doesn’t have a set preference for brownies. He appreciates the gooeyness of the inside pieces as well as the crunchiness of the edge pieces. And though Mom prefers the edge pieces now, she liked the inside pieces when she was growing up because of their gooeyness.

It seems to me, therefore, that there’s some flexibility in what brownie piece a person prefers to eat and that that might even change over time. Sandwich piece preferences, on the other hand, seem to be more set in stone. Surely, there is some deep and profound explanation for this. I have no idea what it is, but surely, it is deep and profound.

Before your next get-together, I encourage you to take some time to find out about your family’s food preferences. You likely know about their food allergies and sensitivities and outright dislikes, but do you know if they prefer light meat or dark meat when you’re carving the Thanksgiving turkey, or do you just assume that they like what you like?

Seeking clarification in this regard will ultimately make mealtimes a happier experience for everyone involved. Sure, you may still have to share those sandwich end pieces, but you might get a nice, chewy corner brownie all to yourself.

Tete-a-tete is published monthly. Teresa Santoski can be reached at tsantoski@gmail.com or via www.teresasantoski.com.

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