Mike Morin

I was on the debate team in high school and spent 50 years talking on radio. None of that prepared me for trying to match wits with my 9-year old dog, Basia, a King Charles Cavalier/Bichon Frise mix. Basia is also my first dog ever, so she pretty much trained ME on how to conduct business.

Basia is smart as a whip, despite her non-stop preoccupation with chasing cars. My doggie has also been dealing with health issues of late and suddenly I am adding caretaker to my current title of playmate. Anyone want to guess what the hardest part is when it comes to taking care of a sick pet?

If you said “Getting her to take her pills,” you would be correct. I can hear you already loudly shouting out the answer.

“Get Pill Pockets!” We have. Pill Pockets are soft dog treats with a small cavity that holds your meds. And they worked great until Basia figured out what our motivation was and refused them at the beginning of her illness. By the way, the hickory smoke flavor treats smell amazing.

Next, I tried wedging a pill into a slit I cut in a piece of real chicken, one of her favorite people foods. My calculating canine figured out how to eat the chicken and spit out the pill. I also need to wear latex gloves to handle her pills because she smells them on the outside of the treat from my touch and turns up her nose at the free chicken. NOW what?

I know! I’ll open a can of tuna and slip the med into a chunk of the canned fish. Lady Baba, a registered nurse, admonished me for that one. Tuna is loaded with sodium, a dietary no no for Basia’s condition.

Next up, peanut butter. What dog doesn’t love the stuff? I even dropped a couple extra bucks for an unsalted jar of Teddie All Natural Peanut Butter. Being the true peanut butter snob that she is, Basia declined and insisted we bring back the Skippy brand, salt and all.

Now, I’m getting desperate. I played my best hands: chicken, tuna, peanut butter. Our vet suggested burying the pills in baby food. I scored a tub of sweet potato mush and a jar of beef with beef broth. I really wanted to sneak her pills in a hot dog, but Barbie set up a Ring doorbell camera on the fridge door to catch me doing something like that.

Because her appetite for her favorite binge foods was not there, that meant she was also not getting her meds. I began to worry. I know, I know. Just pry her mouth open and toss ’em down her gullet. Have you ever tried to open the clenched mandible of a defiant dog? Can I see a show of hands? Just as I figured. Several of you are missing digits.

Our newest challenge? A five-day bout with constipation. I’ll spare you the details on that one.

Contact Mike Morin at mike morinmedia@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @MikeMorinMedia. His column runs the first, third and fifth Sundays of the month.