George Pelletier

The English language is a virtual cornucopia words that at one point in history hit pay dirt, but now are taking a dirt nap. In an effort to expand my horizons, I have gathered a list of rarely used words and I will then attempt to use each word correctly in a sentence. Not really. Try to keep up.

Bumfuzzle: “I admired the lady’s ample derriere, but after closer inspection, noticed a lot of bumfuzzle.” It actually means to be flustered, perplexed or confused, and is more common if you’re on the East Coast. I’d be happy if I were any of those things on a good day.

Cattywampus: “I irritated a kitten and then it went all cattywampus on my face.” Cattywampus is a midland word referring to anything that is in disarray. “Donald Trump’s hair, much like his mind, is cattywampus.”

Gardylou: “I went to the prison for a conjugal visit, but the gardylou wouldn’t let me.” It’s actually a Scottish term – the definition? This is what people in Edinburgh shouted as a warning before dumping their slop buckets out of their windows. Charming. “This soup tastes like gardylou.”

Taradiddle: “The music club was packed. My butt kept getting tarradiddled.” Nope. Taradiddle is a reference to someone or something that is filled with pretentious nonsense. Like me.

Snickersnee: “I got mad at the candy machine and kicked Snickersnee.” Actually, this word, which sounds so dang cute, refers to a long, dangerous knife. “I set the table with a pitchfork and a snickersnee.”

Widdershins: “Her calves looked mammoth, so I suggested she widdershins.” It has nothing to do with widdering shins; It’s another way to say something is moving counterclockwise or the wrong direction. Like my checking account balance or my hooch stash.

Collywobbles: “My friend Collywobbles when he drinks too much.” Nah. The word is derived from the Latin phrase cholera morbus, meaning it came from the disease we know as cholera. I prefer to keep it classy. I’ll just say I had the trots.

Gubbins: “I went to Kentucky and all the people looked like gubbins.” It actually means an object that has little or no value. It can also mean someone who is silly. Well color me gubbins!

Abibliophobia: “As a baby, I hated wearing bibs and had a fear of libraries. So today I struggle with abibliophobia.” In reality, a lot of us suffer from this: it’s the fear of running out of things to read. Such as audiobook packaging.

Bumbershoot: “I had Mexican food the other night. Right out the bumbershoot.” Nope. This is a Mary Poppins-ish word that means umbrella. I’m sticking with my first response.

Flibbertigibbet: “When I went to Sea World, the whale sprayed the crowd with all kinds of flibbertigibbet.” This word actually refers to someone who is silly and talks incessantly.

It can also mean someone who is flighty. If a famous dolphin was flighty, you could say Flipper was flibbertigibbet.

Pandiculation: “The panda at the zoo was trying hard to speak with his pandiculation.” No. This word means to get out of bed in the morning and stretch. When I was in college, needless to say, days could go by without my ever having to experience pandiculation.

Sialoquent: “I started taking Sialoquent and found that my speech really improved.” Ha. This means to spit while talking. So there, smart kid who always sat in the front row to brown-nose the professor who was always quite sialoquent. That’s why when I sit in the front row, I wear my t-shirt that reads, “Say it, don’t be so damned sialoquent.”

Snollygoster: “I was with a lady of the evening who explained the rules – don’t snollygoster.” I wish. This refers to a politician who does or says things for their own personal advancement instead of following their own principles. They should just name a party, the Snollygosters.

Erinaceous: “I had to go to the bathroom really bad. It was erinaceous.” We all know one of these; it refers to someone or something who resembles a hedgehog. So if someone says that you look rather erinaceous, give them the stink eye. Or trip them. Whatever.

Bibble: “While reading the Holy Book, I began to bibble.” Could be. It actually means eating or drinking loudly. Every restaurant with a wood floor and a tin ceiling is ripe for bibble.

Impignorate: “The farmer used an advanced medical device to impignorate the oinker.” Noooo. Impignorate is a fancy word for pawning something and can also mean to mortgage something. When I play Monopoly, I’m the king of impignorating!

Nudiustertian: “At the camp, everyone walked around naked and someone accused me of being a nudiustertian.” Here’s one that’s useful. Not. You know the day before yesterday? That’s nudiustertian. Amaze and confuse your friends!

Bloviate: “I drank too much at the keg party and had to bloviate.” Wrong. This is the opposite of pauciloquent and refers to people who talk for long periods of time or who inflate their story to make themselves sound better. And I thought it was a reference to Mrs. Kennedy, Jacqueline Bloviate. Dumb me.

Borborgym: “Listening to my friend Jim talk is so tedious so I often say, ‘don’t borborgym.'” This is the rumbling in your stomach when you’re hungry. I think frozen dinners should start advertising that their meal is a cure for the common borborgym.

Absquatulate: “When I got a promotion at work, I was presented with a bottle of Absquatulate.” Actually this refers to yourself or someone else leaving suddenly. So on that note, see you later space invader! I’m absquatulating!