Don Canney

Slogans and spokespersons are used by most companies as a way of promoting their wares, telling their stories, or simply trying to make words stick in your head like an annoying song that stays there throughout the day. Some work, some do not.

Thinking back of spokespersons who were quite popular but unfortunately did not stop the demise of their employer, Bradlees Department Store came to mind, having stores in Simoneau Plaza and the Nashua Mall.

Remember Mrs. B? She was Bradlees’ long-time spokesperson and matronly character who drove home the fact that Bradlees always had the best selection and the lowest prices. The iconic character was played by actress Cynthia Harris, who also played the mother of Paul Reiser in the sitcom “Mad About You.” Her pitch did its job for years, but in 2001 Bradlee’s eventually ended up a footnote, like many former area retailers.

I worked several years for the former Almy’s Department Store, which was at the opposite end of the Nashua Mall from Bradlees. Their slogan told customers, “You’re Important to Us!” Apparently, not important enough, as they too closed in 1987.

Nationally, I can remember a grandmotherly lady (played by Clara Peller) shouting, “Where’s the Beef?” in the classic Wendy’s ads. Multiple celebrities asked, “Got milk?” A leading cassette and VHS tape manufacturer (for those of us who remember what those were) asked, “Is it live or is it Memorex?” Back when we used a relic known as a phone book, The Yellow Pages advised us to “Let your fingers do the walking” while AT&T once told us to “Reach out and touch someone.” Doing that today could be perceived as a bit creepy. Although M&M’s still “Melt in your mouth, not in your hand,” we are no longer reminded of that. Besides, if you ate too many of them, you couldn’t say, “Look Ma, no cavities!” even if you did brush with Crest.

I’ve never seen salt falling from the heavens, but Morton Salt claimed, “When it rains, it pours.” Many of us have no trophies on display in the den, but Wheaties was once, “Breakfast of Champions.” Coke was known as, “The Real Thing” (although some would argue otherwise when New Coke was introduced back in the ’80’s) and at the same time, 7UP was the “Uncola.”

We all wanted our MTV while chowing down on Kentucky Fried Chicken that was, “Finger lickin’ good” (before “fried” was a bad word) at times using Bounty’s “The Quicker Picker Upper” to clean up the mess. After the chicken, we might welcome the “Plop, plop, fizz, fizz” of Speedy Alka-Seltzer. Some mornings, our coffee was “Good to the Last Drop” while at lunch, “There’s always room for Jell-O.” Many of us could not afford the BMW “Ultimate Driving Machine” but some of us opted to “Think Small” with its German counterpart, VW. Timex watches could, “Take a licking and keep on ticking.”

We would, “Care enough to send the very best,” (before the Hallmark Channel) and if we got a paper cut stuffing that card into the envelope, we might get “Stuck on Band-Aid.” (Cool trivia: that jingle was written and performed by none other than Barry Manilow, using a childlike voice).

Sometimes you felt like a nut, sometimes you didn’t. Thankfully, you could, “Have it your way,” at Burger King or opt for McDonald’s, who advised, “You deserve a break today.” Lay’s once guaranteed, “Bet you can’t eat just one” (I couldn’t).

We heard, “There are some things money can’t buy – for everything else there’s Mastercard.” And for whatever you did buy, “When it absolutely, positively, has to be there overnight,” there was Federal Express.

Back when the wet head was very much alive, Brylcreem touted, “A little dab’ll do ya.” Sometimes more than a little dab was needed. And sometimes a hot comb was used. The only place you’ll see those today is the Smithsonian.

Budweiser was always, “King of Beers.” (How I miss those Clydesdales in Merrimack). Another famous beer once said, “Its Miller time.”

But my favorite Miller slogan had more of a local flavor to it when we all used to say, “Meet you at Miller’s!” Something we all miss.

Don Canney is a freelance writer and professional voice artist. He was born and raised in downtown Nashua with great interest in Nashua history circa 1950-1970. He now resides in Litchfield.

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