No, I’m not talking polices, but rather the condition of being dexterously challenged. I’m left-handed, or as I like to say, I’m a member of the alt-write.

While lefties only make up 15 percent of the population, the percentage of lefties worldwide is creeping up, as being left-handed has become more socially acceptable. Seriously.

That said, in this day and age, there are still countries that force their children to learn with their right hand. Even the word “left” stems from the Old English word “lyft,” which means weak.

In 2016, there was an internet posting that left-handed people would soon be allowed to collect disability. The Justice for Dexterously Challenged Act added left-handedness to the growing list of recognized disabilities.

This was a hoax, just in case you were considering tying your right hand behind your back to try writing cursive with your left hand.

I learned you should always date a left-handed girl. Righty tighty, lefty loosey.

“Southpaws,” as we’re known, have to suffer the spoils of our disability. We can’t play baseball in the infield. When a lefty uses right-handed scissors, they have to push the thumb and index finger tougher in an unnatural way to make the scissors cut, causing marks on the left hand. Also, lefties have to look over the top blade, which obscures the cutting line. That’s why all the presents that I gift look like I was trying to wrap a cat.

Can openers – meant for righties – are another can of worms, if I could just open the damn can.

Card swipers are on the right; most bathroom toothbrush holders are placed to the right of the sink; computer mice and keyboards are made for righties, as are ice cream scoops, zippers, school desks, the game of golf, chainsaws, measuring cups, corkscrews, and pens attached to clip boards: all right.

Even soup ladles are against me. And car cup holders.

Cameras favor righties, as the hand grip and shutter are on the right.

Fifty percent of dogs favor their left paw. But don’t get too excited. They also favor their naughty bits.

Seven of the twenty-nine astronauts on the Apollo space mission were lefties. Unfortunately, their first giant step for mankind was made with their right foot.

It’s not exactly hard science, but one survey that polled 25,000 people across 12 countries found that lefties are more likely than their dominant counterpart to pour one out. I’ll drink to that.

Still there is an impressive list of lefties over history. Leonardo Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Aristotle, Julius Caesar, Albert Einstein, Winston Churchill, Mark Twain, Charlie Chaplin, Jimi Hendrix, Mozart, Lenny Bruce, Kurt Cobain and Ruth Bader Ginsburg were southpaws. As are Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, David Bowie, Oprah Winfrey, Tom Cruise, Lady Gaga, Jerry Seinfeld, David Letterman and Jon Stewart.

Unfortunately, so were Jack the Ripper, Osama Bin Laden, John Dillinger, the Boston Strangler, Billy the Kid and Aileen Wuornos.

Many presidents were lefties, including Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush and Gerald Ford. President Ford was considered clumsy because he would turn away from the podium the wrong way and bump into his aides; presidential protocols were designed for righties.

Playing cards typically have their pips printed only in the upper left corner, assuming that the cards are being held with the right hand.

The vast majority of firearms are designed for right-handed shooters, with the operating handle, magazine release, or safety mechanisms set up for manipulation by the right hand, and cartridge cases are ejected to the right. That leaves me with the only gun I can shoot: a staple gun.

Even coffee mugs are meant to be held in the right hand so if there is a logo on the cup, it’s meant to face outwards. Try reading it with a hot cup of joe and you’ll have a lap full of coffee.

When you break your left arm, it’s normal for people to say, “well, at least it wasn’t your good arm.”

Righties often win: You make the sign of the cross with your right hand, salute with your right, say the Pledge of Allegiance with your right and swear on a Bible in court with your right.

Things we have in our favor: you enter a revolving door to the left.

So where do lefties win? In the sack. One survey states that southpaws have better sex than lefties. Of 10,000 people surveyed, only 15 percent of right-handed people reported being “extremely satisfied” with their sex lives, whereas 86 percent of lefties said the same. So the next time you see me walking down the street, know that I’m good for at least one thing.