Mike Morin

What have you been up to since, say, last March? Never mind. That was a trick question. I already know, thanks to Google Search Trends for 2020. The list has been released. Let’s see how your curiosity index compares to the rest of us housebound members of C.L.U. – COVID Lockdown University.

The #1 beauty how-to search was “how to cut men’s hair at home.” Google searches peaked in April, when barber shops closed for COVID precautions and home hair cutting product, Flowbee, became more scarce than toilet paper. There was a time when Flowbee was the punchline of bad haircuts. Just as the coronavirus had its second wave, so did Flowbee. In December, actor George Clooney admitted he’s been using Flowbee. I wonder if U.K. prime minister Boris Johnson is a Flowbee guy, with his Flock of Seagulls explosion ‘do. Google Flock of Seagulls – Mike Score, to get the visual.

Number five in the how-to help category, found people researching “how to help acid reflux.” Very understandable. Between the November elections, drinking too much coffee at home and watching too may Nexium commercials on TV, we became a nation of sour stomachs.

Speaking of sour, “how to make sourdough bread” was the most-searched recipe in 2020. Runner up is “how to make whipped coffee.” It looks like a frappe Juan Valdez would approve of and has addiction written all over it. Number three on the recipe how-to-make list is “Disney churros.” What? Like you, I was curious and Googled it. My insta search reveals the first two ingredients of a Disney churro are water and eight tablespoons of butter. You had me at butter. The fourth most-searched recipe is “Dole whip.” Pineapple drink, I assume. Fine. Just keep the pineapple away from my pizza. And the fifth most popular recipe search for 2020 was “Double Tree cookie.” The hotel chain’s cookie gimmick is so popular, their minivans sport giant cookie graphics. As much as I like chocolate chip cookies, I’d be more inclined to hit a Double Tree if they’d put in Sleep Number beds instead. And just leave butter, sugar and eggs in the mini bar and I’ll make my own cookies.

From the “where is…?” category, Googlers searched “where is my stimulus money?” in 2020. And just like Flowbee, “stimulus” has made a Google comeback of late. Next, “Where is Kansas City” and “Where is Shakira from?” were in the top five for “where is” in 2020. The answers to those last two questions are Missouri and not Kansas City.

Other popular Google trends from the past year included “dating during coronavirus,” “why is there a coin shortage?” and my favorite, “why were chainsaws invented?” I hesitate to jump to conclusions, but the chainsaw question trended highest in the week following the election. Another possible explanation connects it to autumn wood gathering for a cold COVID winter.

Most likely, chainsaws were invented for guys who want to look like George Clooney but couldn’t find a Flowbee.

Contact Mike Morin at mike morinmedia@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @MikeMorinMedia. His column runs the first, third and fifth Sundays of the month.

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