×
×
homepage logo
LOGIN
SUBSCRIBE

One Paul’s Opinion: A fine how do you do

By Paul Wartaug - One Paul’s Opinion | Jan 9, 2021

Recently, on January 6, events shook our nation in ways that will be examined for years. I want to talk about how one man kept calm, and acted as a beacon of safety and security for all who could see him. In the middle of an ocean of chaos, he gave us signs that plans were already underway to help guide people through such a trying time. His body language told us that if we stayed calm, we would get through this.

I am of course talking about the interpreter for the hearing-impaired at DC Mayor Muriel Bowser’s press conference that evening. There he stood, a beacon of calm in a time when we so desperately needed it. His face was calm, his hands were steady, and it was so entirely assuring to see.

“You either adapt or you die,” My grandfather, Broceifus Cornswallow Wartaug, was famous for saying. He most famously said this when he would argue the merits of Creationism.

Grandfather Broceifus did not have a keen grasp of irony. I, however, have made certain to cultivate my own keen sense of irony over my lifetime. In these strange and trying times, it’s hard not to see irony literally everywhere.

To be clear, I’m using “literally” in both meanings, as in literally steeped in irony at any given moment, for such is life for the kinda left leaning folks here in hearty New England. There’s a certain reaction one has when one sees a Don’t Tread On Me flag hanging in tandem with a Trump flag.

Also, literally as in figuratively, which is also the opposite of an actual literal thing. How in the world did a word come to mean two opposite things? It’s so bizarre that a language would change according to popular usage. I don’t say that in a harumph-ey kind of way. “Literally” has the distinction of being its own antonym. Honestly, it’s adorable, and very on(-)brand for the English language. It doesn’t need to make sense to make sense.

You’ve got to respect the efficiency at play, is all I’m saying.

I appreciate efficiency. Like any New Englander, I’ve got things to do! For example, I think when some people decide to talk to a manager, they are getting in some good face-to-face time with management, but they should be paying you, right?

I kid, I kid.

“But Paul,” you may say. “Surely this keen insight must come at a cost?”

You, dear reader, are absolutely correct. This powerful view into the human condition takes a toll on me by way of tremendous anxiety. It is, in fact, the tension that holds my center in place. The mitochondria to my cell, if you will. To be honest, even if you don’t, it still is. I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules.

There’s a lot to be said for anxiety, and most of it is terrible. A shockingly common condition (NIH estimates 19% of adults in the US are affected by an anxiety disorder), shockingly broad (NIH lists 9 conditions that fall under this). If you don’t have it, someone you know does, and I can guarantee you they worry about it more than you realize.

Unless you yourself have anxiety. Then you very likely have a clear understanding of it. Of course, that almost guarantees that you think that discussing it is somehow making things about yourself. Unless you do discuss it, at which point you probably talk about it constantly. This assumes that you aren’t in some kind of self-imposed isolation, and your last contact with friends or family was two weeks ago.

I find people are generally hesitant to discuss something like anxiety, at least initially. It can get very uncomfortable to examine, very quickly. Why would anyone want to examine their own anxiety if it means you’re constantly ill at ease? For a lot of people, the price of admission is a bit too steep.

But what if you’re willing to pay that price? What does that ticket get you? Surely, the ride of self-discovery is a wild and magical time, right?

So, I can’t speak for anyone else, but mostly, no, it has not been. You know that thing where if you start driving a new-to-you car, and you see the make and model everywhere? Or when you start to learn to drive and you see reckless drivers everywhere? Or you watch the movie Drive, and you’re like, “I think it’s a heist movie but also techno? Also, Walter White fell on hard times,” and you hear that conversation everywhere?

Anxiety is absolutely like all of those things, and especially that last one. Surely, that is the most universal aspect of the human condition: Watching Ryan Gosling and feeling weird about the entire experience.

I have found that if you can get people talking about something like anxiety, they’re a little more comfortable the next time they talk about it. And more-so the next time after that. It’s not to say I think that everyone should talk about this, but I do think that people shouldn’t feel hesitant to if they need to. For a lot of people, the difficulty lies in knowing where to go, who to talk to.

For me, the obvious choice was to talk openly and honestly about my own experiences- with you, a bunch of strangers. It will be a real delight going about my business in the greater Nashua area, and wondering as I pass someone, “Did they read my article? If so, how much did they hate it?”

Luckily for me, I feel uncomfortable about everything constantly. I could receive an award for being 2021’s Only Paul Wartaug, and I would still have to deal with a wicked case of imposter syndrome. I promise you that I, Paul Wartaug, am an absolute sham of a human being. I’ve learned to lean into feeling awkward, and I’m looking forward to leaning into it on an unnecessarily public scale.

Paul Wartaug is a Nashua native. His column will appear on periodically in The Sunday Telegraph.

Newsletter

Join thousands already receiving our daily newsletter.

Interests
Are you a paying subscriber to the newspaper? *