After receiving a couple of emails regarding a previous column on board games that I created with poetic license, folks wrote in with some real board games that take the cake – or hot dog, read on – with their denseness and banality. I did some digging, hit a few garage sales and found some real board games that are mind-numbing. Play at your own risk. May induce sleep or nausea.

Go Postal: The game “Post Office” (1968) has nothing to do with delivering mail. It also is not the make-out game of “Post Office” that I played when I was a kid. In this brainless version, players have to perform stupid stunts, like whistling while eating a cracker. The box that the game is in features mom and dad joining in the fun! Why they’re not both holding highball glasses is beyond me.

Safe word: “Let’s Be Safe” (1986), is not a game about protection, nor is it a precursor to COVID. Rather, and boringly I might add, it’s a soap box to “discuss sensitive issues with your child in a fun, relaxed manner.” In other words, if you’re concerned about having “the birds and the bees” talk with your kids, this ridiculous board game is supposed to make it easier. But if you have to revert to having the “talk” with your kids while moving play pieces around a board, perhaps you should have stuck to abstinence and bought a goldfish. This game guarantees the most awkward family game night ever.

Getting the spins: Remember those flirty games of spin-the-bottle you used to play as a teenager? This game, “Spin the Bottle” (1960) lets you play that game with your whole family! Creepy enough for you? Be afraid when mommy puts down her cigarette and starts reapplying her lipstick.

Keep it in your pants: “Gigglepants” (2002), is a game designed for kids to identify shapes, colors and numbers, and for some reason, also involves putting on a pair of pants – if you land on the wrong spot. What a nice way to instill in kids early the importance of sharing filthy plastic clothing with their peers.

Fruit loop: In “Group Loop” (1978), you play a game of Twister, sort of, but you’re standing up. All the thrills of bungee jumping without all the thrills of bungee jumping. And what’s in the box? A cord. Pre-teens everywhere are all probably thinking the same thing: Let’s tie up the babysitter and get out of here.

Frankly my dear: Imagine the fun of stealing your neighbor’s wiener. That’s the crux and complexity of playing “Pinky Lee and the Runaway Frankfurters,” (1954), which touts, “it’s fabulous… sensational.” Who’s narrating this, Kim Kardashian? It’s a game with dice and wagons, in which you’re trying to steal everyone’s frankfurters. Buns not included.

Say your prayers: “Latter Day Saints Church History Game” (1973) is designed for players to learn more about Mormonism. When watching “Amish Mafia” on Hulu is too much action for you to handle.

D.O.A.: “Intern”(1979) is like Monopoly set in a hospital, but instead of building houses and hotels, you have to admit patients, treat them, and somehow not kill them to win the game. There’s no money, but you can earn sleep. The only thing missing is a malpractice warning for buying this cruddy game in the first place.

Girl trouble: Sexist and dated, “What Shall I Be: The Exciting Game of Career Girls” (1966) is a game for players who want to become the “Career Girl.” And the options? Teacher, airline hostess, nurse, model or ballet dancer. If this sounds so last century, it is. They left out flapper, riveter and Time Life operator.

Belch on a bet: According to the box, this game, “Chug-A-Lug” (1969) “pits your competitive spirit against your drinking capacity.” In other words, the winner is the first one to get drunk. Since when do we need a drinking game to catch a beer buzz? Not included here is the Uber app to ensure that each player plays responsibly. Can you imagine playing this game by yourself? I’m not sure what level of hell and therapy is required for that.

Things are getting hairy: “Big Foot” (1977) captures all the warmth, confusion and conspiracy theories floating around a big ape. Players have tokens and if they land on a Big Foot space, it moves the creature forward. The actual “creature” game piece looks like a cross between an Easter Bunny chocolate and something you scooped up after your dog.

I’m dying to play this: “Big Funeral” (1964) is for those folks who have said, “Funerals are such a blast! I wish I could make them a part of family game night!” With objectives like “Make your friends look cheap, send them to Slob Hill in an orange crate coffin,” you just know this game is pure class.

Now a word from our sponsor: With “Quarantine” (2013), the rules are eerie: You must get contagious patients to the hospital before infection spreads and all medical staff has to be quarantined. Should come with hand sanitizer, and while you’re at it, brain sanitizer. This game should come with hand sanitizer, a mask and an I.Q. test.

Trump change: Its motto is, “It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s whether you win!” Uncanny. “Trump: the Game,” (1988) basically sums up his four years in office. Sounds like Monopoly, but way meaner, with more tweets and oodles of bankruptcies. For that “YUGE” void in a special someone’s life, “Trump: the Game” can also be seen in real-time on Fox News, the Hallmark Channel of news networks.