With people nestled away in their homes during the pandemic like illicit contraband, board games are making a resurgence. But if you’re like me and have ever squirrelled away fake money while playing Monopoly or broken the popomatic dice bubble on Trouble, I’ve devised some new board games that will take the languor out of an otherwise tedious family game night.

DeLorean: This one is all about the greed and excess of the 1980s. In this high-octane game, players must drive their crap-box cars through an intricate and repetitive maze and hopefully get to the winning car, a the prized DeLorean, before customs agents get there first and seize the kilos of Peruvian marching powder hidden in the trunk. Players may choose from cars like an AMC Pacer, a Ford Pinto, or a Chevy Vega. Don’t get caught in a random car search, or you’ll have to choose a menacing card: “You were caught doing 90 mph in a school zone, watch ‘Back to the Future III’ slides on a View Master reel,” or “You run over a nemesis drug mule’s doll. Go to Tahiti.”

As If: A slipshod companion piece to “DeLorean” “As If” is a lame game that brings back every terrible fashion cue or music insensibility that ravaged an otherwise pleasant decade of the ’80s. Players choose their clunky game piece (a Blockbuster VHS tape, shoulder pads, a pair of Jellies, a Futon), and shop the massive galleria, but keep your eyes peeled: you must avoid the inept mall security cop whose uniform never fits correctly. Random cards include: “Your mom accidentally laundered your acid wash jeans that had your Duran Duran tickets in the pocket. Lose a turn,” or “The undercover cop at Sam Goody caught you shoplifting the New Kids on the Block cassette, go to mall jail.” “What do you get when you cross an ’80s hair band with a fish? BonChovy!”

CURFEW: We all know that adolescents are programmed to hate curfew because they think it’s about control. In the game “Curfew,” players assume the identity of a dim-bulb teenager who gets caught sneaking into the house after lights out via the trellis and a bedroom window. Collect the correct excuses and win the game. Random excuses include: “My watch is slow,” (to which mom replies, “You’re not wearing a watch,”) “I thought I heard something on the roof,” “Was I sleepwalking again?” and the winner, “I thought we changed the clocks back.” (Losing excuse: “I was too drunk to walk home earlier. Where’s my other shoe?”

Walmania: Here, players must shop the aisles at their favorite Walmart store and be the first to collect all the items on their list (jeggings, an air fryer), and win the game. But buyers beware: there are obstacles lurking around each end cap, so shop with caution. Random cards include: “A large woman wearing yoga pants and a cowboy hat invades your personal space. Get a Tetanus shot,” or “A 65 inch TV box falls on your head in the electronics section after a rotten, unattended kid climbs the display. Go to the emergency department. Wait 17 hours to see a physician.”

Lies To Tell Kids: Here, you must choose from a selection of lies and convince the judge (an aimless five-year-old), that you’re telling the truth. Random cards include: “They don’t sell replacement batteries for that particular toy,” “The TV only works when it’s raining outside,” “The animals on the side of the road are just napping because the road is warm,” and “Pulp Fiction is a documentary about oranges.”

Amnesia Trivial Pursuit: For those who don’t want to get messy with all the facts, this game allows players to make up answers to truthful questions, and whether they’re right or wrong, they get a piece of the pie. Random questions include, “Who is the first president of the United States?” Acceptable answers: Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison or Thomas the Train; “What is the name of the Brooklyn Bridge that spans the East River between Brooklyn and Manhattan?” Acceptable answers include the George Washington Bridge, the George Jefferson Bridge and the George Clooney Bridge; “Who is buried in Grant’s Tomb?” Acceptable answers include Lou Grant, Hugh Grant or Ginger Grant.

Chutes and Ladders, The Very Stable Genius Edition: The beloved children’s game gets an adult twist. Players must each select a colored Russian Ruble for their play piece and roll the loaded dice (they come up as a seven every time), traversing the game board where they might encounter a chute or a ladder. Be the first one to reach the top, face the New York State Supreme Court and immediately file an appeal. Random cards include: “You’d look good in an orange jumpsuit, thematically speaking,” “Hold seance. Contact the spirit of Richard Nixon for advice,” and “It’s ‘Get Your Husband Back to Work Day.’ Now go make some coffee.”

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