Photo courtesy of SID CEASER PHOTOGRAPHY Shown is writer and humorist Teresa Santoski.

As the saying goes, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. After several months of wearing masks in public to help slow the spread of COVID-19, I’m realizing just how much I miss being able to see people’s facial expressions – and how much that helps us to communicate.

In most cases, I can’t tell whether a person is smiling or frowning behind their mask. There have been a few exceptions to this, as I have encountered some people who are blessed with expressive eyes that make it easier to tell what the rest of their face is doing.

Alas, I have discovered that I am not one of those exceptional people. It shouldn’t really have been a surprise, though.

Before the pandemic, Oldest Younger Brother showed me some pictures from when he dressed up as Santa Claus for the children at a friend’s Christmas party.

“You can’t tell from looking at the rest of my face,” he explained, “but I am actually smiling under the beard.”

It was true. Oldest Younger Brother’s eyes were absolutely inscrutable, betraying not even the merest hint of his hidden smile.

He and I have similar faces, so I should’ve known right then and there that my eyes would look just as dead (sorry, Oldest Younger Brother) if the lower half of my face was covered. But hope springs eternal, and it wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I realized my eyes are not as expressive as I had thought.

In fact, my eyes seem to only convey one emotion: fatigue. I have been asked if I’m okay and then told how tired I look on several occasions these past few months. Again, this probably shouldn’t be a surprise-I imagine we all look a little tired these days-but it amazes me how much difference a smile can make in regard to how people perceive you.

For example, if you smile at a person while you’re wearing a mask, and you have “dead eyes,” you may come across as creepy instead of friendly. As far as they can tell, you might just be staring them down.

And if you try to explain, after an awkward moment or two, that you’re smiling at them, but they just can’t see it, they might not be able to hear you because your voice is muffled by your mask and you’re standing an appropriate social distance apart.

And they might say something in response, but you can’t hear them, either, because of their mask and social distancing.

With the whole situation now bordering on the ridiculous, you might just give them a little wave and a nod and go on your way, resolving to limit future masked conversations with people you encounter in passing.

Since then, I’ve begun using more body language to supplement the muffled conversations I have while wearing a mask so that I might be better understood.

I nod my head when saying yes, shake my head when saying no, and tilt my head to the side when the other person is speaking to indicate that I’m listening. If I say hello to someone, I wave at them. If I say goodbye to someone, I wave at them. I feel more like a sock puppet than a person at times.

And I don’t bother taking off my sunglasses and putting on my regular glasses when I go into a store or a business, because what’s the point? It’s not as though my dead eyes will reveal the details of my emotional state and make communication easier. If anything, I might get asked if I’m tired.

It sounds incredible to say, but apart from the family members I see at home, I haven’t seen anyone smile at me in months. I’m so accustomed to seeing the receptionist smile at me at the dentist’s office, the teller smile at me at the bank, the cashier smile at me at the store-it’s been downright strange to no longer have that as part of human interaction.

Under normal circumstances, you don’t realize how important smiling is to effective communication and how often you look at other people’s faces to confirm that your interaction is going well and that they’re still comfortable in the conversation. Truly, this is a brave new world we live in.

But as with everything, we will continue to adjust and continue to make the best of a challenging situation. We will come up with new ways to express that we are pleased to see someone and that we are enjoying our interaction with them.

Perhaps we could take a page from American Sign Language and use the sign for “smile” when we encounter someone while wearing a mask. Simply place both index fingers in front of the center of your mouth and move each finger out to the side simultaneously as though you’re drawing a smile.

While I wait for that to catch on, I might invest in some eye makeup. Is there a shade of eye shadow called “Well Rested?”

Tete-a-tete is published monthly. Teresa Santoski can be reached at tsantoski@gmail.com or via www.teresasantoski.com.

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