Mike Morin

Have you gotten out of the house yet now that we’re flexing back into the good old days of restaurant meals, beaches and being flush with toilet paper? While you were in lockdown, several quarantine scofflaws have been raising eyebrows with their hijinx during the pandemic. I’ve been saving stories that, pathetic as they are, caught me covering my face so no one could see me laughing at this stuff. So, mask up with me, and enjoy the parade of pandemic perps.

First, a guy in the United Kingdom, who was busted for driving 130 miles-per-hour, told cops he was speeding to avoid coronavirus. I’m just guessing he was driving on the wrong side of the road as well. Just saying. Here’s a tragedy: there will be no new emojis next year. The Unicode Consortium, which regulates these dopey computer symbols, had to push back their deadlines, so next year’s release will be delayed to 2022. (Insert sad face here).

A couple in Columbia met in a coronavirus shelter. Then got married in same. She’s 39, he’s 72. I get the feeling drinking was involved. When they finally surface on Groundhog day, he’ll feel like he’s a spry 39 and she’ll look 72. It’s how these things work. Staying on that continent, while people from Brazil are banned from entering the U.S., Denmark is letting people into their country if they can show a love letter or other proof of a relationship.

Speaking of being in love, a couple in Ireland got their wedding date tattooed on their arms: “October 16, 2020.” The wedding has been cancelled but the matching body art remains. True story: My ex’s father had a woman’s name inked onto his arm when he was young and not thinking right. They broke up. The tat remained. Years later, he married someone else. With the same name and not a very common one: Olga. You can’t blame a pandemic on that one.

Of 2,000 people surveyed recently, 48% said finding a hairdresser or barber was more difficult than selecting a primary care physician. I’d suggest making the doctor your top priority. Otherwise the mortician might be giving you your next haircut.

A federal judge ruled that strip clubs were eligible to receive emergency government loans. Instead of direct deposit, these adult entertainment venues will receive the aid in one-dollar bills.

A fashion designer in Italy is first with COVID-19 beachwear: A trikini … a bikini with a matching face mask. The New York Department of Sanitation has launched a new YouTube channel with cooking tips – which actually makes sense. If it’s in the trash, chances are it was a meal gone horribly wrong to begin with.

Did you see the picture of a priest conducting an outdoor drive thru service for parishioners in their cars? He brandished a squirt gun filled with holy water for each passing vehicle. Glad I wasn’t there. Father would have given me the blowtorch treatment instead. And I would have been throwing dollar bills at him.

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Contact Mike Morin at mike morinmedia@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @MikeMorinMedia. His column runs the first, third and fifth Sundays of the month.

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