A weird thing happened on the way to COVID. …

Klu-like symptoms: On May 1, officials in San Diego County ordered residents to start wearing face coverings while in public to prevent the spread of COVID-19. On May 2, an unnamed man went grocery shopping, where a number of shoppers took photos of the man, wearing a Ku Klux Klan hood. Staff members repeatedly asked him to remove the hood, but he refused until he reached the checkout area, where a supervisor caught up to him. The man removed the hood, paid for his groceries and said, “Sorry, it’s laundry day.”

Acting goofy: Discovery Island at Disney World in Orlando has been closed to the public since 1999, and, of course, the park itself has been closed since mid-March because of coronavirus concerns. Once called Treasure Island, the 11-acre property sits in the park’s Bay Lake and was a pure “tropical paradise” for an unnamed interloper from Alabama, who was found camping on the island on April 30 by park security. It was reported the 42-year-old man told Orange County Sheriff’s deputies, “I don’t remember a thing. I think my girlfriend Minnie must have slipped me a Mickey.”

Brothers in harms: Two landscapers were charged with DUIs for driving the same vehicle at the same time in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, after police pulled over an SUV that had been reported to be driving recklessly on April 15. According to police reports, the officers spotted a 24-year old man behind the wheel, but by the time an officer approached the car, that man was standing outside it, and another man, age 20, was in the driver’s seat. The younger man, apparently a brother, had slid over from the passenger seat, put the car in gear and tried to escape, but the officer pulled him out of the car. As the brothers were quite close, they took turns reciting the alphabet backwards. It was also reported that the older brother held his younger brother’s hair while he was tossing his cookies.

Eat my cereal dust: A Utah Highway Patrol officer pulled over a car on May 4 for “what he thought was an impaired driver,” the highway patrol said on Twitter, but instead he was shocked to find a 5-year-old in the driver’s seat. The boy told the trooper he took off in his parents’ car after arguing with his mother because she wouldn’t buy him a Lamborghini. The kid was sent to the big house. Fortunately, it was bouncy.

What a chimp: A monkey riding a small motorized bicycle in a street performance in Surabaya, Indonesia, on May 2, threw down the bike and suddenly grabbed a toddler who was watching, dragging the child down the cobblestone street for several feet before letting him go and spiking him like a football. The monkey, hopped up on potassium, was immediately signed to the Patriots.

S’mores anyone? A 50-year-old woman called 911 on May 2 in Ohio, asking for the fire department because, “I need somebody to come put it out with their hose,” according to police reports. “It” was her nether region, she told the dispatcher, and “it” was on fire. Police found empty alcohol bottles around the house and a Mr. Boston’s Mixology Guide, turned to a page with instructions to make a Molotov cocktail.

The woman was promptly tossed out a window, while everyone ducked.

Driving me crazy: On April 15, an unidentified driver smashed his yellow Mustang into a fence in California. A California Highway Patrol officer later recounted what followed: The driver tried to back out of the fence but failed to realize he was in drive and crashed through a home instead. The homeowner came out to investigate and, noting the driver’s impaired state, removed the keys from the Mustang and returned inside to call police. The driver then discovered the keys inside the homeowner’s Toyota and tried to make his getaway, but he shifted the car into drive and barreled through the house once more, coming to rest alongside his Mustang. When the homeowner again tried to take the keys away, the driver allegedly hit him repeatedly, causing major injuries. Said the allegedly drunk driver, “Geez, I can’t parallel park for crap.”

Out of his tree: Many hospital workers are self-isolating to keep their families safe from COVID-19 exposure, but a Corpus Christi, Texas, emergency room doctor is taking a novel approach: He’s moved into his kids’ tree house in his backyard. The doc said, “My kids left it fully stocked with fireworks, a stack of National Geographics and some of last year’s Halloween candy.”

Back in black: An Ohio sheriff said his office was called to break up a large party of Amish folks late on April 18. “When we got there, there was a barn full of people and some of them ran,” he said. “They were fully clothed. (This is known as Amish streaking.) Other Amish antics included spinning the wooden bottle and strip (the furniture) poker.

Clear your throat: A 22-year-old Chinese woman has spent the last 14 years trying to discover the cause of her persistent cough, which started when she suffered a serious fit of coughing as a child, it was reported on April 22. Over the years, she has been misdiagnosed numerous times, but as she recently prepared for an unrelated surgery, the mystery was solved. A doctor at Guangzhou University of Chinese Medicine ordered CT scans that revealed a foreign object in her right lung. Remarked the young woman’s mother, “So, that’s where the Monopoly wheelbarrow went.” Doctors also located two battleships and the letters “D” “O” “P” and “E” from a Scrabble game.

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