×
×
homepage logo
LOGIN
SUBSCRIBE

Funnies about the candidates

By GEORGE PELLETIER - Milford Bureau Chief | Feb 9, 2020

As some voters still remain uncertain as to who they’ll vote for here in the Granite State in two days, I’ve compiled a list of unusual facts about the Democratic hopefuls.

On the presidential side, did you know that George Washington’s teeth weren’t wooden, but rather made of hippopotamus ivory? He was a big red wine drinker, which stained his teeth to look wooden. And borrowing from that, was President James Buchanan, who simply had a wooden personality, and was found to be the most inept president in history. Well, almost the most inept president in history.

Speaking on that subject, Donald Trump’s epic fails include buying 17 Boeing 727s for $365 million in 1988, renovating the aircraft and turning them into lavish air buses. Massive disinterest followed, as consumers preferred their airlines to be efficient, not fancy.

Trump also launched a vodka, naturally called Trump Vodka in 2006. Its tag line was that it was “success distilled.” Sadly, Trump Vodka was a tremendously not good, really not gooder product, and it left consumers with a different kind of voter remorse.

Every candidate and/or president has some nutty factoid about them.

But rather than fiddle with some figurative coin toss in your head, here’s a go-to list of the Democratic candidates to make your ballot booth visit a more pleasurable experience:

Minnesota Senator Amy Klobuchar has said that she raised $17,000 for her first campaign for the U.S. senate in 2006 from ex-boyfriends. If her average was $35 per donation, she’s got a lot of explaining to do. On the plus side, at her alma mater Yale University, she was voted “Most Popular.”

New York entrepreneur Andrew Yang is the godfather to Teddy Roosevelt’s great-granddaughter. “That’s what happens when you go to Phillips Exeter Academy,” he said last year. In other news, Yang is also enjoys playing the with his abacus (he’s a numbers guy), and he has stated that the country needs to “think harder,” to which the country responded, “I was told there would be no math questions.”

Colorado Sen. Michael Bennet was born in New Delhi, India. His father, Douglas Bennet, was working as an aide to the U.S. ambassador at the time. Interestingly, Bennet likes Bollywood films, enjoys Raj from “The Big Bang Theory,” but it’s a hard pass on Indian food.

Former Vice President Joe Biden loves Corvettes and still has a 1967 green Corvette Stingray that his father gave him as a wedding present. Biden has said that he’d love to take it out for a spin, but he can’t remember where he parked it.

Former South Bend, Indiana mayor Pete Buttigieg plays the piano, guitar and several instruments including the Didgeridoo – a long wooden trumpet believed to have originated by Indigenous Australians in northern Australia. In college, he would often bring his Didgeridoo to parties to play, which was extremely effective when the party host was trying to get people to go home.

Hawaii Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard is a “goofy-footed” surfer, which means she surfs with her right foot forward (most people surf with their left foot forward, or “regular” stance. In related news, this week a mass of goofy-footed senators acquitted Trump on the articles of impeachment.

California businessman Tom Steyer wears the same lucky red Christmas tie in every public appearance. He also wears his favorite belt. “I bought it on a trip to Kenya from female artisans. I wear it as a reminder not to be so formal, and also as a symbol that the world is a better place when we educate women and girls.” He also bought a snow globe on that trip, which oddly, is just full of coffee beans. When you shake the globe however, it makes a nice espresso.

Related to that, Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren does not drink coffee. She gets her adrenaline by outrunning her dog Bailey, smashing beer cans into her forehead and bench-pressing Pete Buttigieg.

Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders traces his endurance on the campaign trail back to this youth: He was a star runner, serving as the co-captain of his high school cross country team. Today, Sanders still runs. To the bathroom at 2 a.m. and 4 a.m.

Former New York Mayor and billionaire Mike Bloomberg was nationally ridiculed over “Sodagate,” when he famously attempted to restrict sugary soft drinks to just 16 ounces in the Big Apple. The New York Supreme Court later rejected the “soda ban.” And in a follow up story, Bloomberg tried to reduce the number of McNuggets from 10 to 7. McDonald’s quickly responded, crying “fowl.”

Newsletter

Join thousands already receiving our daily newsletter.

Interests
Are you a paying subscriber to the newspaper? *