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Feeding the hoarding habit: Bounce Dryer sheets, Tide Pods, and chili

By Mike Morin - For The Telegraph | Jul 30, 2019

After serious introspection recently, I’ve concluded that I am not the only person who hoards stuff. Two years ago, I bought 480 Bounce dryer sheets for an amazing $12. We just opened the second box and so, when Armageddon strikes, I will be at peace knowing I have nice smelling Tommy Bahama shirts for a couple years in our underground Nashua hideout. My bunker mates will thank me.

It seems my self-inflicted Facebook intervention brought out others who confessed they are likewise afflicted with the need to feed their hoarding habits. Breaking every HIPAA privacy law on the books, I will now reveal my readers’ proclivities regarding saving things to the max.

My dear friend Judy at the Nashua Senior Center writes, “I saw a lady at Costco yesterday buying an entire cart full of Tide pods. Friend of yours?” Unless I miss my guess, Judy is already hoarding silent auction items for next May’s Fire and Fusion fundraising gala.

Amy confesses: “I am convinced that someday I will need my Olympia portable typewriter, so I have a supply of typewriter ribbons (which I’m sure are all dried out by now.)” Weren’t you president of your high school’s Gutenberg printing press club?

Kelly is hoarding paper towels and toilet paper. Tip to Kelly: Dryer sheets double for both in a pinch, so to speak.

Chicago reader Steve offered, “Occasionally, I stock up big on canned chili – I can eat that stuff every day, and the stuff I buy on sale now has a best-by-date of at least two to three years away. I ate up my stock when things got tight, but am ready to build that up again.” Hey Steve, let me connect you with Kelly, who is stocking up with Charmin.

Then, this came in from Alexis, “Well, I was going to hoard Bounce dryer sheets, but there’s a severe shortage…” Oops. Guilty as charged, Alexis. I do know where you can buy a bunch at $5 a sheet. Message me.

Childhood pal Ron in Detroit took me back with “Shaving cream. Remember I started shaving when I was 7 years old.” I do remember that, mostly because I never touched a razor until I was 22.

Susan sent me her entire hoarding shopping list: “Bath bombs, Bath & Body Works products, toilet paper, and theater-size boxes of candy from the 98-cent bin at Walmart. So much cheaper to just grab a box of Junior Mints out of the tote bag in my closet than buy one at the cinema concession stand.” Looks like Susan is rehearsing for Armageddon already. She is a smart woman.

Perhaps the state’s best humorist and author, Rebecca Rule must be thinking about her underground novel already as she told me, “Pens. And pencils. I’m thinking I might stock up on paper.” Hey Becky, if you can’t find a publisher during the emergency, I will help you self-publish on Bounce dryer sheets. I smell a best seller.

Contact Mike Morin at mike morinmedia@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @MikeMorinMedia. His column runs the first, third and fifth Tuesdays of the month.


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