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The Emperor’s religion

By Sherry Dutzy - Nashua | Mar 29, 2020

The Emperor has spoken and wants his subjects to obey. By Easter Sunday he wants the churches filled and life back to normal. Praise to the Emperor whom we all know is a highly religious man only looking out for his subjects’ well-being. This edict for life to get back to normal wouldn’t be out of concern for country clubs unused or hotel beds that are empty. No, no. Not the Emperor. His only concern is for the mental health of his subjects.

Unbeknownst to many, most Sundays the Emperor spends hours at one of his many cathedrals such as Doral, Mar-a-Lago or Bedminster where at least 18 times he recites the Prayer of the Tee Shot, “Please, O Lord may my drive be longer and straighter than my opponents”. At each cathedral, alters, known as the 19th Tee, allow churchgoers to “light up” and give alms to the Emperor so he can distribute money to his many self-serving charities. This is known as trickle-down economics.

And to demonstrate his fearlessness, for the Emperor is not afraid of a mere, lowly virus, on Easter Sunday he plans to ride the subway, crowded with common folks from Wall Street, to his upper eastside church, The Church of The Almighty Dollar where he also has been seen praying regularly. Praise to the Emperor!

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