Dean Shalhoup

A few random thoughts and observations worth noting, and a handful perhaps not worth noting mixed in for kicks, surfaced quite suddenly in recent days as I began floating down that proverbial lonesome stream of consciousness with a sharp eye peeled for the sign that says, “it’s now safe to return to your office.”

Spring, they say, is the season of renewal, of a sort of unfolding of new beginnings, of new opportunities; a season we can always count on to usher in a refreshing sense of optimism, no matter how sour the note on which the previous season ended.

Me? I don’t ask for a lot, mainly just the basics like a (leak-free) roof over my head, reliable – gilded and flashy not necessary – transportation, decent health for a grizzled, old-timer like me, and to find no unpleasant surprises when I finally make my maiden voyage of the season to my humble summertime getaway up theah in Maine, Yawk County to be exact, amongst a whole bunch of otha folks from away who come up ev’ry yeah ta gripe that the watah is way too nippy to go swimmin’ and cuss out the black flies and skeeters.

So watching a lot of basketball of late – though not so much now that the college season is over – it seems odd that the players, when they’re not in the game, wear masks and sit on the sidelines in chairs placed at least six feet apart, but when they go into the game, they’re all over each other, as is the nature of the game, hollering and breathing on each other sans masks?

Speaking of basketball, I don’t think technical fouls should be counted as personal fouls.

I wish the NHL would go back to one full 20:00 period of sudden death overtime. If neither team scores, the game ends in a tie. So be it.

I must be a baby boomer: I can remember when fast food was actually good.

If “pro” is the opposite of “con,” what is the opposite of “progress”?

I’ve tried, but I still can’t understand why the instructions on some drive-up ATMs include a Braille version.

If I never hear someone say “irregardless” again it will be too soon.

Some signs just don’t make sense. I was in a restroom at a popular restaurant recently, and when I went to wash my hands, I saw a sign that said “employees must wash hands.”

I waited a half-hour and no employees showed up, so I had to wash my own hands.

Can anyone old enough to recall having no computers of any kind at work or home remember how we found answers for things we didn’t know?

I’ve come to accept the fact that parallel parking is a lost art.

It seems counterintuitive that the more often police officers remind us of the dangers of distracted driving, the larger cars’ dashboard computer screens get.

Although I’ve never seen it, there’s a large sticker on the rear of my car that says, “please feel free to pass me on the right.”

I really don’t see the point of drug companies making 30-second TV commercials that devote 20 seconds to telling us that their products could have serious side effects – and, yes, even kill you.

If I had a dollar for every time I heard a TV personality utter some form of the phrase, “leaving more questions than answers,” I’d be writing this essay sitting on the fourth-level deck of my seaside Kennebunkport McMansion.

Well, guess it’s time to get ready for a whiff of that refreshing sense of optimism headed my way.

Newsletter