LITCHFIELD – John Halligan thought his teenage son Ryan had finally silenced the bully who had long harassed him.

The father and son learned kickboxing together, giving the teen courage to face the bully. Ryan’s mood improved, and he later befriended his tormentor. John Halligan thought his son had turned a corner.

But while away on a business trip in 2003, Halligan received a phone call telling him 13-year-old Ryan had committed suicide.

After digging deep, Halligan learned his son had succumbed to a psychological one-two punch: The bully spread rumors about him and a girl embarrassed him publicly. Their “Karate Kid” strategy had no effect.

“It wasn’t about throwing punches,” Halligan said. “It was about throwing words.”

Halligan recounted his story to hundreds of Litchfield Middle School students Friday. The students are at the age at which Halligan and many others believe kids can be at their cruelest to one another.

“Somewhere around fifth grade, kids become aware of who’s popular, who’s not – who’s rich, who’s poor,” Halligan said.

Wearing his heart on his sleeve, Halligan told the audience he didn’t expect to move every student. But he hoped his son’s death would inspire at least one teen to realize the destructive power of bullying.

Bullying affects not only victims, but also their families, Halligan said. The bullying of Ryan killed him and wounded his family forever, he said.

Ryan had a happy childhood, but in fifth grade, a classmate started taunting him for having a learning disability. The bullying got so bad that Ryan finally asked his parents if he could be home-schooled.

John Halligan wanted to have the bully’s parents and the school intervene, but Ryan said that step would further embarrass him. Instead, Ryan suggested he learn how to defend himself, and father and son picked up kickboxing from a instructional video program, and drew inspiration from the movie “Karate Kid.”

Ryan eventually fought the bully in a public park, and the teasing halted. But not for long. In the summer of 2003, preceding eighth grade, the bully started a rumor that Ryan was gay.

Ryan spent hours on AOL’s Instant Messenger trying to debunk the rumor. He also thought he had started a relationship with a popular girl at school. But when classes resumed, the girl called Ryan “a loser” in front of her friends and admitted to leading him on to embarrass him later.

On Oct. 7, 2003, John Halligan received a call from his wife that Ryan had killed himself.

Halligan closed his story by recounting how the girl was devastated for possibly having a role in Ryan’s death, and the bully eventually apologized.

But Halligan still wonders why he didn’t heed his instincts and defy Ryan’s wishes by confronting the bully sooner. Ryan would still be alive, he told the students.

Halligan has since quit his job at IBM and gives talks at public schools. He also spearheaded the passing of a law in Vermont that holds schools more accountable for bullying.

He urged Litchfield Middle School students to think about their actions. He said the “bystanders” of bullying – teens who go along with the laughs of humiliating others – are a large part of the problem. After the talk, 14-year-old Kyle Biron said Ryan’s story painfully showed what bullying does.

Classmate Connor Cote, also 14, said the tale “was very inspiring.” Cote said he learned “you have to be sympathetic to the people around you.”

Albert McKeon can be reached at 594-5832 or amckeon@nashuatelegraph.com.