Retired U.S. Marine Lt. Timothy McLaughlin delivers the keynote address at the 12th annual Salute Our Soldiers Gala on Nov. 4. Courtesy photo

NASHUA – Retired U.S. Marine Lt. Timothy McLaughlin remembers June 23, 2020 as the day he chose life over death.

During his Nov. 4 keynote address at the 12th annual Salute Our Soldiers Gala, McLaughlin described his life leading up to that day and what it is like for those who decide to join the U.S. Military.

“When you make that decision, you sign a check — the check is for your life,” he said. “You don’t decide whether you cash it or not, somebody else does.”

Originally from Laconia, McLaughlin was commissioned as a second lieutenant in May 2000. When the U.S. invaded Iraq in March 2003, McLaughlin was at the tip of the sword and in command of an M1A1 Tank Platoon.

However, to do his job effectively, McLaughlin said he needed to “turn off his emotions.”

“From 2003 to 2020, I literally felt nothing,” he said. “When you’re engaged in war, that’s what happens.”

His struggle really began to intensify when he left active duty in September 2006.

“My experiences were very violent and very prolonged,” he said.

However, McLaughlin still graduated from Boston College Law School in 2009 and went on to become a partner at Shaheen & Gordon.

Despite being plagued by post-traumatic stress disorder, McLaughlin decided not to seek help. At the time, he was barely working with the Veterans Administration and was completely unaware of Veterans Count, the charity organization that would save his life one day.

“I was going to Superman my way through it,” he said.

Then came the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic.

“The world changed in a way that I was not ready to deal with,” said McLaughlin, adding that he began having physical metastasizations and could not feel his legs for months.

However, all that changed on June 23, 2020.

“I needed help, I had a massive psychological emergency at work,” he said.

One of his colleagues, only identified as Karen, found McLaughlin in his office shaking uncontrollably. All the emotions that he had suppressed for 17 years were finally coming out.

“There was no more plug in the dyke,” said McLaughlin.

Seeing the severity of the situation, Karen made a frantic call to Attorney Steven Gordon, one of the firm’s senior partners, for assistance. They ultimately decided to contact Veterans Count and get McLaughlin enrolled at Riverbend Community Mental Health in Concord.

Gordon drove McLaughlin home that day where his wife was waiting for him.

“My wife puts up with a lot,” said McLaughlin. “The other thing that happened on June 23 is I took my Colt 45 pistol and put it in the car and my wife drove me to a police station where I dropped off the handgun. I didn’t put a bullet in my head, I’m here with you. The day I didn’t die was June 23, 2020.”

In the three years that have passed, Veterans Count has given McLaughlin a new outlook on life.

“From then on I realized it’s okay to ask for help even if you think you’re Superman,” he said.

This year’s gala, hosted by the Nashua Chapter of Veterans Count, raised more than $162,000 for New Hampshire’s veterans and their families.

The charity was formed 16 years ago in Manchester under the auspices of Easter Seals New Hampshire. Since then, $4.5 million has been awarded to 18,600 Granite State veterans. These funds are used to cover expenses stemming from a myriad of hardships including unemployment, risk of suicide, substance abuse as well as housing and transportation.

In addition to Manchester and Nashua, Veterans Count has chapters serving the New Hampshire Seacoast, the Lakes Region and the Upper Valley.