Dear Annie: My husband is a hypochondriac. It is so very hard living with him. Every time he hears of someone in our family coming down with an illness, he claims he has it. He is a healthy man and perfectly able-bodied. I get disgusted when he takes a handicapped spot next to a store when I know he doesn’t need it.

During the height of the pandemic, he was in hysterics all the time. I cannot tell you how many hours I spent trying to pacify him, looking for things that were no longer available, like a thermometer. Because he swore the many thermometers we had at home were not working. I would go to five or six stores. During a pandemic.

He hears about a disease, looks up the symptoms and swears he has it. He goes to his doctors (he has nine of them at this time) and will relay his “symptoms” to them. They run expensive tests, and he is on many medications because of this.

I tried to talk to his main treating physician, and the doctor told me flat-out that if my husband comes to him with problems, it’s his responsibility to try to help him.

I tried several years ago to get my husband into therapy, but he refused.

I recently became very ill, and while I was sick, he was angry and unsympathetic. He wants to hear everything I am feeling — not because he wants to help me but because he is taking mental notes. He doesn’t even bring me any water or hot tea.

Years ago, I had a serious injury and required surgery. The doctor prescribed some pain medication for me to take because I would be in pain after the anesthesia wore off. At home, I slept. I woke up in horrible pain, and a few hours later I told my husband I was going to take my medication. To which he said, “You never take medicine anyway and my hip was hurting so I took them, and they don’t do anything for you.” My husband had taken three days of my pain medication while I slept. I cannot describe how upset I was.

It’s exhausting.

He has not worked in 30 years. He claimed and was granted disability.

I just can’t go on any more. I am retired and we have been married 15 years. He says he has been like this all his life.

I try to maintain my own hobbies and friendships. I try so hard to have some sort of peace.

I wait on him, even trimming his nails. He will sit there and complain if I go anywhere.

He has no hobbies, no friends, he spends his entire day on his laptop. He doesn’t eat any vegetables or fruit.

I try to get him to go on walks, which end up with him pretending to fall so we have to go home.

Whenever we go anywhere, he will pretend to throw his hip or hurt himself.

I have actually witnessed pretending to fall down a short flight of stairs. I wish I had videotaped it because I’ll tell you, I was just not even shocked, just disgusted.

When we first met and were dating, we went on hikes, long drives, dance classes, all kinds of stuff. Then we got married and a few months later he started saying he didn’t feel well any time I wanted to go somewhere. The man I dated is not the man I married. He is some sort of freak actor.

I am disgusted and resentful. Thank you for any advice you can give me. I just feel broken. — Living With a Hypochondriac

Dear Living With a Hypochondriac: It sounds like your husband has a serious anxiety disorder. It’s important for him to get professional help to treat his condition, or else it will spiral even further out of control. If he refuses to seek treatment, then perhaps it’s time to reevaluate whether he is a good life partner.

In the meantime, set boundaries with him, continue nurturing your hobbies and friendships, and focus on your own self-care. A good therapist can help you process these difficult emotions and evaluate potential next steps.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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