Annie Lane

ear Annie: I’m close to my nephews, one of whom recently married. The year before the wedding, during its planning, I told the couple that I would like to gift them honeymoon to their choice destination, Greece, as their wedding present. They were thrilled. I gave them a check several months prior to the wedding to ensure they’d have any needed funds for deposits, airfare, etc., and told them it was fine to cash the check at that time.

I’ve since asked them to cash the check multiple times; the wedding and honeymoon having come and gone. My intended gift was the honeymoon, and my funds were not used for that.

I didn’t intend to gift them a large sum for them to pay other expenses whenever they wanted. It’s disconcerting not knowing when the sum will clear my account. Is this a generational thing? What is appropriate at this point? Just wait it out? — Confused

Dear Confused: There is not much to be confused about. They are very clearly acting inappropriately and ungrateful. Your gift was very generous and thoughtful, two qualities it seems that the recent bride and groom are lacking. The gift of giving someone an experience is very thoughtful.

The next step would be to call your nephew and simply ask him when and how he plans to use the money. When you call, keep in mind that they did just get married and are probably very busy, but it is certainly not too much to follow up and ask about your gift. Best of luck to you.

Dear Annie: I gave money to my younger brother, who recently was given admission to a university and was traveling. My wife found out and got mad at me for doing so without letting her know. Was I wrong for giving my younger brother money to assist with his school needs? The amount that I gave him was not substantial, yet my wife felt I should have made it way smaller and has been mad at me ever since.

Do I need permission from her before giving money to my brother and aging parents? — Permission

Dear Permission: It sounds like giving your brother money to help with his school needs is very generous and kind. But you are married, and that is a partnership. Next time, have a discussion with your wife before you give away money. If she complains, then it might be time to seek the help of a financial planner so that you can come together as a couple and agree on what you will spend money on. The most important thing when discussing this is compromise.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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