Some decisions you must make for yourself
Annie Lane
Dear Annie: I recently turned 40 and am still speculating if I would like to have a kid or not. My husband is 46, and we have been married for a year and a half now.
Both of us are pretty much on the same side. We love the freedom of our current lifestyle. Whenever I would see family or friends with kids, it’s like the kids dominate the lives and schedules of the parents, and we don’t want that.
I know my time is ticking, but I can’t decide if I should have a kid or not. Sometimes I think I am not that motherly — not enough to take care of a kid. Would you give me any advice please? Thank you. — Mum or Never
Dear Mum or Never: Children are a wonderful gift in life. But also a deeply personal one. I can’t decide for you and your husband if you should have children. It is a deeply personal decision.
Dear Annie: I had to write in after reading about a daughter-in-law who was belittling her children in front of their grandparents.
I’m a 35-year-old woman who is highly educated and leads a very successful life. However, my mental health and personal relationships have struggled to compensate for the anguish I felt being bullied as a child by my own mother.
Did her bullying work? I guess. But I find myself wishing all the time that some adult — ANY adult — had put my mom in her place when she did it. And she did it in front of company, which was even more humiliating, because it seemed like they were all complicit in the bullying.
Children remember who DIDN’T stand up for them. I’m sure Granny doesn’t want to start World War III, but the children should see the bully mother be corrected. The kids need to know the adults do not agree and they do not condone her behavior. Otherwise, the child will internalize it. — Still Healing in Virginia
Dear Still Healing: Thank you for your letter. When parents bully their children, it is awful. I’m sorry you had to endure that in your childhood, and I congratulate you for being so self-aware and confident as an adult. I agree wholeheartedly that parents who belittle their children should be called out — in front of the children, so the children know that their parents’ bullying is neither normal nor acceptable.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.