Annie Lane

Dear Annie: Your advice for “Lost but Still in Love” was perfect. Being a health care professional, I had an understanding of what was transpiring when my wife started to enter pre-menopause, and I could support her during this transition into menopause. I honestly have no idea how so many women go through this with so little support from health care professionals. So, thank you for your response and giving a sound explanation as to what may be transpiring. This leads me to another concern. Why do women’s health care professionals not include the patient’s partner in educating them? There is no literature in the waiting room for men to read to learn more about their female partners. No practitioner asks me to join them to discuss any future plan of care for my wife so that together we can meet her needs. So, it doesn’t surprise me that the writer doesn’t know what to do to help his wife and calm his own fears. I am hopeful that women’s health education will improve significantly for women and their partners. — Supportive Husband

Dear Supportive: Thank you for your letter. Knowledge is power, and the more you can educate yourself from professionals about pre- and peri-menopause, the better. That is assuming, of course, that your wife says she wants you to know.

Dear Annie: You gave good advice to the husband exasperated by his wife’s behavior of late due to pre-menopause. If I could, I would like to say to him and to her, “See a doctor!” I thought I could “tough it out” and handle it on my own, but finally, when my brain was so fogged I couldn’t think clearly and I was so depressed, I went to a doctor, which brought great relief. It was so bad I couldn’t even make decisions. I asked her to decide for me whether I needed antidepressants or hormone replacement therapy, which isn’t like me at all. I normally would never leave such a huge decision for myself to someone else, but that’s how desperate I felt. She chose antidepressants. I have major hot flashes. Still though, I am so grateful for having had any help with the shape I was in. Pre-menopause and menopause are some of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. A supportive spouse, talking with other women, walking (even short walks) daily all really help, and educating yourself on what you are going through makes all the difference, too. My best to them both! And thank you, Annie, for helping people going through hard times. — Grateful

Dear Grateful: I am glad that you were able to get help to relieve your symptoms.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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