Annie Lane

Dear Annie: Here’s my dilemma: I moved back into my dad’s house several years ago, and he has been good friends with “Chuck” and his wife “Rose” for at least 20 years. He goes out to dinner with them regularly and often has them over to the house for drinks and cards.

Well, about seven years ago, Chuck was sent to prison for molesting his very young granddaughter. After that happened, his own children cut ties with both Chuck and Rose (Rose continues to stay with Chuck), and my dad seems to be in denial over the whole thing. His rationale is, “We really don’t know what happened,” even though I showed Dad the newspaper article and Chuck’s picture on the sex offender registry.

I am shocked that Dad continues to stay friends with these people. However, I stay out of it and have kept my interactions with Chuck and Rose to a bare minimum. Our paths occasionally cross when they come over to visit my father. I just say “Hi” briefly and go to my room. However, this year, we had our annual Christmas party at our house and invited our good friends the “Browns” over; we have them over every Christmas.

But this year, my dad also invited Chuck and Rose to our party, and Dad told me not to mention to the Browns about Chuck’s past. So I didn’t, and during the party, both groups got along quite well, and now my dad wants to invite all of them again to the next party that he throws.

My question is, how much longer should I keep this information from the Browns? Eventually, they will probably find out one way or another, and they might be very upset with us for not telling them sooner. They already started asking me about Chuck and Rose, and I basically said I don’t know them too well. How long should I keep sugar coating this? — Confused

Dear Confused: Your dad has put you in a tough spot. The real question is, has Chuck undergone serious therapy or treatment for what he did to his granddaughter? He was convicted of a very serious crime. Hopefully, he is not allowed to be around young children at all. As far as your father’s judgment, I do think he should mention that fact to the Browns and let them decide for themselves if they want to continue to hang around with Chuck and Rose. It is only fair for them to know. You should tell him that, emphatically.

Dear Annie: Thank you so much for suggesting Al-Anon to people who have friends or relatives with drinking problems. I have learned that I can live a good life, no matter what someone else is doing. This program helps me to love the person and hate the disease. — Grateful Al-Anon Member

Dear Grateful: I am so glad that you are using this program and that it is helping you. Congratulations on having the courage to better understand the disease.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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