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Suicide threats must be taken seriously; seek professional help

By Annie Lane - Dear Annie | Mar 26, 2022

Annie Lane

Dear Annie: My daughter goes to college full time and works full time, so she is very busy.

When she was in high school, she knew at least four people who committed suicide. She, of course, doesn’t want it to happen again. She has a current friend who threatens it now often, maybe even nightly. The friend was recently committed to a facility to help her, and she was released after treatment, but from my point of view, the hospital stay did not work.

I can tell my daughter day in and day out that her friend will keep threatening to commit suicide because she likes the attention. My daughter will drop everything to help this person and to listen to her, but it is to my kid’s detriment.

My daughter needs to work on her school or get more sleep or eat a full dinner. I want my daughter to be sweet, of course, and loving, but she needs to take care of herself, too.

Do you have any ideas for how to get out of a cycle of a friend saying she is going to commit suicide? What resources are out there for the kids who want to help the kids who get attention by saying they want to kill themselves or who really do want to kill themselves? Thanks. – Mom of a Great Kid

Dear Mom of a Great Kid: Congratulations on being the mom of a great kid – you should be genuinely proud of that fact – but don’t forget there is another mom nearby whose daughter is really hurting. Your daughter should encourage her friend to seek professional help again, and you should never, ever take her friend’s threats as a call for attention.

Your daughter should speak with a professional immediately to seek advice for her friend. She could also call the girl’s parents and let them know what is going on. I cannot emphasize enough that threatening suicide is extremely serious and should never be taken lightly. You can also direct her to this website and phone number: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-someone-else/

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Feeling Powerless.” Coping with life involves taking care of ourselves physically, mentally and spiritually. I try to remember all three by 1: Getting outside as much as possible for fresh air, sunshine and gentle exercise like walking or biking; 2: Limiting my exposure to news outlets by accessing them only once or twice each day; 3: Prayer. Nonreligious friends practice meditation. Whatever you find helps reduce stress is perfect for you. – Keeping It Real but Calm in New Orleans

Dear Keeping It Real: Thank you for this great advice.

Dear Annie: “Feeling Powerless” is grappling with discouraging world events, same as perhaps 75% of the U.S. population.

My husband passed away three months before the start of COVID-19. With all that has happened, I have depended on my faith to get me through. I have also taken the opportunity to nourish friendships and to exercise regularly. Exercise does a lot to help me stay positive and focused.

Finally, I limit the amount of news reports and focus on reading and listening to things that have a positive focus. – Looking Up

Dear Looking Up: I’m so sorry for your loss. Friendship, exercise and faith are all healthy and effective ways to cope.

Dear Annie: I’m writing in response to “Grieving and Not Prepared for a Confrontation” whose husband died before he could recoup a sum of money he lent to his brother; now, she needs that money and is looking to collect. Your wishy-washy advice to this widow on how to approach her brother-in-law Simon was like advising her to take a water pistol to a gunfight!

This ungrateful brother already “exploded” and made his position clear. “Grieving and Not Prepared” needs to teach this ingrate a lesson, hire a lawyer and subpoena the sister to verify there was indeed a loan that he admitted he would not pay back! This irresponsible jerk should face the music. – Enough Is Enough

Dear Enough: You’re right that Simon needs to be held accountable for his actions – or lack thereof. Seeking the advice of a lawyer is a surefire way to determine what options “Grieving and Not Prepared” has in her situation.

When it comes to people like Simon who are set in their ways and don’t play by the rules, the only hope for getting them to listen is taking action.

Dear Annie: I am a happily married middle-aged woman. In high school, I had a relationship that continued off and on for a few years until he cheated on me and we finally went our separate ways.

About 15 years ago, he bumped into my sister, and we got back in touch via email. It was cordial, and we mainly shared information about our spouses and children. One day, he called my office, and when I asked him why he was calling, he said he wanted to know if there was “anything left.” I told him that there wasn’t and that I had married my soul mate. He accepted that, and we went back to annual Christmas cards and emails of family updates.

About eight years ago, I started to feel like I didn’t want to continue communicating (he’d sent an email that made me uncomfortable), so I stopped responding to his emails (he sends one every year on my birthday).

A few weeks ago, I got a card at my office saying he remembered that in college, I had a new down coat that was stolen from his apartment and that he was planning on sending me a new one. I recycled the card and thought nothing more about it. Last week, an expensive down coat arrived at my office with a note saying it was a replacement for the one I lost 47 years ago. I returned the coat.

I’m baffled. I’m not sure if I should email him and ask him to stop communicating with me or continue to not respond. I thought that my eight years of silence would show him that I wasn’t interested in communicating with him, but now I wonder if it just created a space for him to fill the silence with what he wants to believe. What should I do? Thanks for any advice. – Stumped

Dear Stumped: While most people would indeed interpret silence as disinterest, your ex clearly needs a more straightforward message. Send him one last email with any and everything you have left to say. Explain how uncomfortable you feel, and though that likely wasn’t his intention, you don’t wish to communicate with him anymore in any capacity. Block him on all communication platforms.

If he continues reaching out or contacting you through your work, reach out to your local police department for guidance on how to proceed. Your safety and security are chief concerns in this situation.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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