Annie Lane

Dear Annie: I need some advice on how to approach my older sister about how both she and her husband conduct themselves at family gatherings. They feel entitled to anything my parents have.

The first thing you have to know about them is that they are nearly 40 years old, yet they still act like children. They heavily rely on my parents financially and have no real drive to better themselves.

For instance, my parents own a lake house and a beach rental that my sister always seems to call dibs on whenever my parents announce they will not be using them that weekend. That by itself is not bad, but it’s the way that they go about it and the way they treat other people’s belongings that becomes annoying. They have literally caused thousands of dollars of damage on multiple occasions, but they never even dream of paying back my parents.

They also love claiming whole weekends as soon as they know my parents will not be there, and then they invite their other grown-up children friends to “party” and take advantage of my parents’ good nature. I think this has not gone unnoticed by my parents, but they have always enabled her and keep letting her do whatever she wants.

My sister and her husband are also the cheapest people on the planet, but they have no problem spending my parents’ money or taking advantage of any situation that my parents afford them. At family gatherings, they have this habit of getting sloppy drunk and making fools of themselves.

This involves both of them draining nice bottles of wine that my parents put out for everyone. My brother-in-law will take half a bottle in his glass and then joke about wanting to make sure he gets the good wine. My sister is the exact same way, and she will empty bottles so fast that my parents, or anyone else, can barely get a glass before it is gone.

I would love nothing more than to call them both out the next time they do this, but I don’t want to be the one to ruin Christmas (where I know this will happen again). When facing any criticism, my sister will scream and cry like a toddler, so it has always been hard to approach her about anything she needs to change.

How would you tell someone like that to grow up and think of someone other than herself? I’ve talked about this with my parents and know that the whole situation annoys them, too, but they still enable her and allow her to act the way she does. – Fed-Up Younger Brother

Dear Younger Brother: Wow, it is very understandable that you are fed up with your sister and brother-in-law. To say their behavior is childish, selfish and rude is an understatement. But in order for the behavior to change, the real people who have to get truly fed up are your parents. It is their wine and their lake and beach house that your sister and brother-in-law are taking advantage of. Maybe you need to have a family meeting or some sort of an intervention.

Getting sloppy drunk and taking advantage of your parents in their 40s can’t do much for their self-esteem. My guess is that, deep down, your sister and brother-in-law are probably not very happy and probably need some help instead of judgement about all of their terrible behaviors.

Think of your family as a team that needs to work together, and two of your teammates are really hurting the rest of the team through their self-destructive actions.

Dear readers: On Thanksgiving Day, I asked you to submit responses about what you’re grateful for this year. In the spirit of the season – love, gratitude, family and cheer – I want to share some of your lovely responses.

Dear Annie: I’m incredibly grateful to have built a happy home for myself. I grew up in a household with parents who were constantly fighting and bringing me in the middle of their issues. It also didn’t help that we always had money issues and my parents would make me worry that we wouldn’t have a house one day because it would be taken from us. Coming home was a traumatic experience. I would find any excuse to stay at a friend’s house or to participate in after-school activities so I wouldn’t have to face my home life. But my parents were strict, so I spent lots of time at home feeling depressed and wanting to escape.

I never pictured being with anybody because of this relationship example. But I met my current boyfriend when I was 15, and we’ve been together ever since. We have now lived together for two years. Our relationship is so healthy, and our home is perfect. Every day I come home to a quiet home and a loving partner. I feel so grateful to, first, have a roof over my head at all, and second, to have been able to create my own positive environment. Life is so good!! – Love Starts at Home

Dear Annie: I am thankful for my loving, supportive and wise husband of 49 years. I am thankful for my teaching career, from which I continue to learn, my kind and compassionate friends and neighbors, and this lovely God-created world and the life I am living in it. – Thanks and Gratitude in Arizona

Dear Annie: I am thankful for restoration this year! Last year, my husband of 20 years and I were separated, and I really didn’t think there would be any reconciliation. After being apart for 15 months, we decided that our love was too precious and invaluable to throw away. I’m grateful for our journey and thank God for blessing me with my true soul mate. – True Love Deserves a Second Chance

Dear Annie: My daughter passed away unexpectedly on June 10, 2021, from complications of diabetes. She was 52. Her second grandchild was born on May 30 while she was in the hospital.

I am thankful that I was able to be with my granddaughter, her husband and their 3-year-old daughter and 6-month-old son on this first holiday without my wonderful daughter. My son and a couple of friends joined us. I am 82 and blessed to have been able to do this. – Blessed With a Loving Family

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book – featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette – is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.