Annie Lane

Dear Annie: I live in a retirement community. I have an acquaintance who lives alone. “Betty” frequently gets lost and cannot find her way home.

When mutual friends are discussed, she does not know who we are talking about. Betty has no family members who check on her. We have tried to seek help from Adult Protective Services, but they say this is not their problem and assure us we have no legal authority to do anything.

So, whose problem is it? She refuses to see a doctor. We helped her purchase a cellphone, but she is unable to learn the simplest operations, and she doesn’t take it with her when she leaves home.

Her condition is deteriorating, and I fear she is not safe to live alone much longer. Any suggestions? – Concerned Friend

Dear Friend: You started your letter by calling the woman an “acquaintance” and ended it by calling her a “friend.” Good for you. Your kindness and friendship could help prevent a disaster. The Alzheimer’s Society has local support groups, and I would suggest checking their website.

Dear Annie: I enjoy going out to eat. Of course, during the past year or so, it has been a rare treat. Lately, our state has opened greater access to dining out.

Recently, I went with my son and husband and was slightly frustrated with the experience. I know restaurants are just getting back into the swing of things, and I realize adjustments might have to be made.

However, it was a test of my last ounce of patience. I felt our table was being ignored. I observed more than one table being seated and served drinks before our server made an appearance at our table. I voiced my frustration to my son, and he thought I was being unreasonable.

Five minutes later, we still had not seen our server. “Be patient,” he said. It turned out we had a different server than our surrounding tables did. OK. After another five minutes, my husband finally located our server to ask her to take our drink order. I calculated that we spent 30 minutes waiting for this server to finally realize we were part of her table array.

Am I being difficult for wanting the same amount of service that the other restaurant patrons were receiving? – Just Want the Same Service

Dear Same Service: It sounds as if you just had a new or inexperienced server at your table. Everyone starts with a difference experience level when beginning a new job. Yes, you probably should be a little more patient. However, it is understandable that when you go out to eat, you would like the same service as everyone else.

Maybe you should talk with the management of the restaurant and let them know that it took a very long time to be served. Don’t do it in a combative way. Instead, try to help the restaurant out by making them aware of a shortcoming they can fix, especially after all the hardships restaurants have endured during the pandemic. But 30 minutes of waiting to be served is way too long a time in any restaurant.

Dear Annie: My “Laura” is the light of my life. It’s been more than a year since we found each other, but my whole body still shakes with anticipation every time I see her. Recently, though, I can’t help but feel a growing tension between us. This is my first real romantic relationship, and I know that I have a lot to learn, but Laura can be so critical of me. Like, she tells me I use my tongue too much when we kiss. And the other night, when I was just trying to cuddle, she insisted I go sleep on the couch instead.

As soon as she gets back from work, I can’t stop talking to her. I find myself following her around the house. I know that she likes to have a second to unwind in silence. But I’m just so excited to see her that I always forget! The other day, she went so far as to hold my mouth shut. Then she said, “Honey, shut up.” It made me feel so small.

I don’t want to push my love away with my enthusiasm. But I also can’t help but be myself. Admittedly, I’m young and inexperienced. So maybe I’m too eager. But I just can’t hide the way that I feel. And I guess I’m afraid that Laura is turned off by my puppy love. Please, help me. What should I do? – Simply Smitten

Dear Simply: There’s love, and then there’s infatuation. Your letter speaks more to the latter. For true love to grow between you and Laura, you must give it the room and time to do so.

To help curb your obsessive thinking, I encourage you to attend therapy and read “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie. Develop your hobbies; spend more time with your friends; find work that excites you. Investing energy in yourself will not only boost your self-esteem but also make you more attractive to your girlfriend – a win-win.

Dear Annie: I’ve been in a relationship for three years with “Maddy,” a wonderful woman who has only one child, “Joseph,” a 40-year-old who is a total mama’s boy (putting it lightly).

Joseph refuses to have anything to do with me. He has never once come to visit us at our home. Maddy goes to see him every year and usually stays a month. This year, she’s planning to stay six weeks. I’d love to go with her, but I’m not allowed because Joseph doesn’t want me in his house. So, I stay home each time. He shows me no respect or even interest. He doesn’t seem to care at all how either of us is doing, really. Maddy simply accepts his behavior and tells me to get over it because he’s her only child. I understand their connection, but I think she should think about me and my feelings, too. What should I do about this dilemma? I’m starting to think that maybe she should just stay with her son instead of me. – Unfortunate Boyfriend

Dear Unfortunate: If the relationship is going to work, she’ll need to meet your concerns with more than a, “Get over it.” Let her know, in a nonaccusatory tone, that it hurts when she doesn’t seem to take your feelings seriously. Make it clear that this is a major issue for you, without issuing ultimatums. Hopefully, she will work toward a compromise that shows she values your relationship. If nothing changes, then it might be time to move on.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book – featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette – is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.