Annie Lane

Dear Annie: I have a family situation that I am not sure how to handle. My middle daughter lives in another town, where she is attending graduate school. In three weeks, she will begin a summer internship in her hometown, where her mother and I live.

I have not asked her where she plans to live for the summer, due to her busy exam and study schedule. We want her to stay with us – except for her dog, which she rescued from a shelter about three years ago. The dog and my daughter are very attached to each other, and in general, the relationship has been very good for both of them.

The problem is that her dog is hyper and has had problems cohabitating with the two other dogs living in my house. We have had my daughter and her dog at our house several times before, and we also kept him once for a week when she was traveling. My wife and I cannot handle the stress of her dog and his destruction for the summer.

We would like to offer our house to our daughter, knowing she will still be required to pay rent at her school apartment and likely cannot afford rent during the internship in another town.

How do we approach her about her summer living arrangements before we get this sprung on us a few days in advance of her start date, knowing she probably does not have an option for the dog? – Not Quite the Empty Nesters

Dear Not Quite the Empty Nesters: In order to avoid “Rovergate,” you must act swiftly and directly. Speak with your daughter about possible dog trainers or videos and books that could help her train the dog to not have destructive behavior.

Before your daughter moves in, go for walks or fun outings with your fur babies and hers. That way the dogs can hopefully establish a friendship outside the home, on neutral territory.

Dear Annie: I am the mother of four adult children. I have many happy memories of all their childhoods, including birthdays, graduations and other milestones. I feel I have wonderful relationships with three of them (and their spouses).

The fourth has been challenging, to say the least. He rarely visits and seems uncomfortable and angry around me. Everything I know about his life I find out from his siblings. He has some substance abuse issues that he refuses to acknowledge – I think that’s part of what is going on. It’s certainly not where I imagined we would be at this stage of our lives.

How do I proceed? He doesn’t seem open to, or capable of, letting me in. Is there hope for a relationship when it’s one-sided? Do I just ignore the behavior and hope he comes around? I love him dearly, but liking him is becoming more difficult. – Sad and Hopeless

Dear Sad and Hopeless: Where there is love, there is hope. Your relationship with your son can certainly be saved. Since your three other children have a good relationship with him, ask them whether they can help him acknowledge his substance abuse issues. He must be treated for that, first and foremost, because until then, you are not dealing with him but the substances altering his brain and personality.

Ignoring his behavior won’t do him any favors. It sounds like he is hurting, and when someone is hurting, there is nothing like a family member showing they care. Maybe your other children will be able to get through to him. Even if he continues to push you away, just come back to him with love.

Dear Annie: I work in health and wellness for the largest retailer in the world. I love my job, but there are so many things I don’t understand.

Management is always on us about making money (which I understand), but no matter what we do, it is never enough. We reside in a depressed area and really do quite well for where we live.

With all the pressure management puts on us about sales and eliminating waste, our district manager demands that we work such wasteful hours. We are at the office until 8 in the evening even though no one comes in that late. I keep looking for something to do. We work from 12 to 5 on Sundays, and usually there are no customers – just people walking by asking, “Why are you working on a Sunday?” On Memorial Day, Fourth of July, Labor Day and other holidays, we work from 9 to 6. It is not unusual to have customers who are on vacation and want trial contact lenses because theirs are ripped or lost. When we can’t give them what they want (we need a doctor’s permission to give out contacts), they become irate. Sometimes it gets intense. This is pretty much how the day goes – dealing with irate customers and getting no sales.

What can we do to let members of management know there are better ways to treat their employees and still save money? They simply will not listen. It’s typical top-down management. Things are good for those who are on top but frustrating for those who aren’t so far up the ladder. – Love My Job but Just Don’t Understand

Dear LMJBJDU: Many companies today have wised up to the value of employee feedback and started conducting periodic reviews. If your employer does, take the opportunity to share your insights. Focus on what the company stands to gain by cutting back during low-traffic hours. Your case will be more convincing if you can offer some concrete examples – so the next time you’re working one of these shifts, take notes on sales, staffing, etc. Because it’s such a huge retailer with stores nationwide, there may be blanket policies that your managers have to follow even if they don’t make much sense at your location. But it’s worth at least proffering your two cents.

If management brushes you off and things continue not to change, it might be time to channel your frustration into filling out some job applications – preferably with smaller companies, where you might be able to play a bigger role.

Dear Annie: While shopping at our local grocery, I overheard an elderly woman complaining that the new digital coupons limit her from getting the reduced price. She does not have a smartphone with which to pull up the coupons, nor does she know how to use a computer. She expressed that this is unfair to older people (many of whom really need the reduced prices) who would like to be able to participate in this program. I wonder whether any of the companies that have gone digital have considered this problem. – Digital Age Discrimination

Dear Digital Age Discrimination: A smartphone isn’t always necessary, as many companies allow customers to download and print coupons from their websites – but that still presents a frustrating obstacle for seniors who aren’t familiar with using a computer or don’t have access to one. Rather than give up, I would encourage anyone in this boat to call the Eldercare Locator (800-677-1116) to find a class for people new to technology.