Annie Lane

Dear Annie: My husband had been looking for a new job for three years. He is incredibly smart, talented and hardworking. At his old job, he lived on an airplane, bouncing from one country to the next. He was always on the phone and setting up or attending meetings.

In a nutshell, you would say he is very Type A and does not like to slow down. Well, then the pandemic hit a year ago, and he had to slow down. It took a little adjusting but, before I knew it, he was reading for pleasure, attending a prayer group and hiking with our dog.

Fast-forward seven months into the pandemic, and he gets an idea to start his own company. Right away, he gets all the right investors and is off to the races and doing very well, not only financially but also mentally. I couldn’t help but notice that it was when he was doing nothing and relaxing that he was able to achieve more. He is just so much happier overall, enjoying his cup of coffee and taking the time to sit down and eat his meals.

There is a lesson in this that I hope you will share with your readers. – Happy from Slowing Down

Dear Happy: It sounds like your husband was a hamster on a wheel going around and around and getting nowhere. This can be very frustrating and eventually lead to boredom or loss of motivation. Sometimes, getting out of our own way is the best thing we can do. Connecting with nature and slowing down can speed up our access to achieve all of our goals. Congrats on figuring out the formula that in sitting back and being an observer, you can get a lot done. You have also provided a perfect segue to my Mother’s Day message.

Dear Readers: To all the mothers, grandmothers, chosen mothers, stepmothers, caretakers and more – happy Mother’s Day! Here are a few of my recent thoughts.

In our society, we seem to value what has been called “masculine energy,” which is the assertive, direct and action-oriented force. This is yang. And “feminine energy,” which is the receptive, nurturing and passive force, is understood as yin.

All of us have masculine and feminine energy. It does not matter if you are male, female, transgender or gender-nonconforming. Your feminine side gets expressed when you move with the flow of life, embrace your creative energy, dance, play and pay attention to your internal thoughts.

There is so much power in feminine energy. So, I encourage all of you – mothers, fathers and everyone – to embrace your feminine traits. Take some time to meditate, pray, go for a walk or connect with loved ones. Sometimes, slowing down is the best way to achieve exactly what we want out of life, just as the letter above recommends. When we are rushing all the time, we miss the forest for the trees, and then life passes us by.

To all the mothers everywhere, may this day bring you lots of love, joy and relaxation.

Dear Annie: I’m a 34-year-old man with a superb wife. We’ve been married eight years, and things are great between us. The problem is my mother-in-law. I’m sleeping with her.

She is an incredibly attractive woman and still in her prime. She and my wife look like sisters. But my mother-in-law knows a thing or two more than her daughter in the bedroom.

This affair has been going on for four years now. It’s getting hard to not want to be with her all the time, instead of just a couple days a week.

If this should come out, it will wreck two families, and I don’t want that. But I think I’m falling or have already fallen in love with my mother-in-law. Plus, the sex is incredible. Any suggestions? – My Own Mrs. Robinson

Dear MOMR: Get yourself together, man. This isn’t advice I should have to give, but please: Stop sleeping with your mother-in-law. Come clean to your wife. And be prepared to pack your bags. As much as I try to encourage married couples to work through thick and thin, honestly, I can’t see how someone could come back from this. Your wife deserves to be in a loving, respectful relationship – and not stuck in whatever kind of sick game this is.

Dear Annie: I’ve started working out at the gym again recently, and there is a really cute man who works out the same time as me who has captured my attention. I am so attracted to him. I know he likes me, too, but I don’t know if he is shy like me and looking for love, or just looking for a piece. I’m confused because he was sending his daughter over to bump into me, but he never approached me when he had a couple chances. I am a loud person in general but a very shy woman when it comes to things like this. I don’t know what to do. Should I leave a note on his truck? – Crushing Hard

Dear Crushing: Flex your confidence and ask this man for a date. The worst that can happen? He says no, things are a little awkward at the gym for a few days, and then you’ll both move on, with your having gained some practice making a move. But from the sound of it, he won’t say no.

Dear Annie: The letter from “Love Two Men,” who had been scammed by one man online and seems to be getting involved with another scammer, was me in a nutshell. Back in 2011, I tried online dating and was scooped up by scammers immediately. I made it through intact emotionally and financially; however, these websites need to stop adding little badges to people’s profiles announcing that they’ve newly joined the site. That puts targets on their profiles for scammers. They find their victims that way – women who are vulnerable and not terribly savvy about what to expect.

You said that this woman had been “put on a shelf” – that was me for three and a half years. And it turns out, my guy was buying “books” all over the country! He would frequently travel for business “out of the country,” and I would be none the wiser. And he often projected his infidelity onto me, so add a scoop of gaslighting in there, as well.

All the frustration and heartache and trials I experienced are now the subject of a book I’m writing. I made a new shelf with my own book – what’s better than that?! – Match.NOT

Dear Match.NOT: As the late, great Nora Ephron said, “Everything is copy.” Way to take lemons and turn them into lemonade. I hope your letter inspires others to wring something sweet out of a sour experience.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book – featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette – is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.