Annie Lane

Dear Annie: I have a daughter and a son, who are now 27 and 30, respectively. I have always tried to be a good mother to both of them. But somehow, my daughter was always the lovable one. My son always rubbed me the wrong way, and I scolded him much more and was much stricter with him. I wanted my children to be independent and be able to care for themselves. I guess I pushed my son more than my daughter.

My son was always the angry one, picking on his younger sister. Over the years, I tried several times to ask him why and get him to talk. He never did. Yesterday, he confessed that he was bullied as a child; his father and I never knew and so never did anything about it. He also said that he felt I never loved him as I did his sister.

I told him how sorry I was for what he went through and admitted that I treated him differently, something I never should have done but could not control. He told me he does not hate me, which is what I always felt. What other advice do you have for me to make amends? – Helpless

Dear Helpless: Loving one child more than the other most certainly qualifies as a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes; welcome to being a human. It’s great that you now know better and are trying to do better with your son by taking ownership of your mistakes and assuring him of your love. You might want to seek the help of a professional therapist to better understand why you had a more difficult time with your son. The more you understand yourself, the more you can share with him. You can also let him know that your parenting style had nothing to do with him and everything to do with what you were dealing with as a mother.

Dear Annie: I am a 74-year-old woman. I have two sisters, both of whom are older than me. I just had a heart attack in February. Since then, I have not heard from either one. Not even a hello. I’m not asking for sympathy, but they don’t even ask how I am doing. It has been hard at times. I am going to cardiac rehab, which I know will help in time.

The thing that bothers me the most is that I see them on Facebook sending comments to others who are ill. And birthday wishes. I have sent them birthday wishes and called or sent get well wishes. What should I do? – Feeling Hurt

Dear Hurt: I’m glad you are on the mend and taking the necessary steps to better your health. Sometimes we are looking for sympathy, love and kindness from others when we really need to give all of that to ourselves. Be kind to yourself and your body first. Then call your sisters and tell them how much you miss them.

Dear Annie: I have been married to my husband for 15 years. During that time, I have had several retail and grocery store jobs. Currently, I do not work because most retail and grocery store jobs have me working nights and weekends, and when doing that, I hardly ever see my husband, since he works long hours and travels.

When we first met, I owned my own house, had savings and no debt and was working as a waitress. I had the same amount of money going into the marriage as he did. My husband makes good money, and I am really good at budgeting and saving. So our current arrangement works fine for us. My problem is that when I’m introduced to people and they ask what I do, I’m not sure what to say. I can’t say I am a stay-at-home mom because we have no children.

I now try to avoid meeting new people because most of the time it goes badly. Where I live, people are networking all the time so it is common for them to ask where I work within the first few minutes of meeting me. Before, when I told people I worked in retail, some made condescending remarks. My husband’s family has consistently snubbed me because of the retail and waitressing jobs I’ve had and my lack of a college degree. What should I say? – Unemployed and Uncomfortable

Dear Unemployed: When people ask what you do, tell them what you do – your hobbies and passions – and don’t shy away from sharing your work history. There’s nothing wrong with working in retail. An office job does not make someone a better person: for proof, just look at your in-laws, who, despite all their college degrees, sound pretty darn ignorant.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Regretful Mom,” who says she was a neglectful mother and her adult children cut her out of their lives. Depression is a very serious problem, but can be overcome with self-reflection and a determination that life can be more joyful and happy. Brain chemistry can be changed with a change in diet, exercise, changing thought processes and with the knowledge that God loves you and wants you to be healthy mentally, emotionally and physically.

Forty years ago I suffered from depression because of a failed marriage and an overwhelming feeling that I would never be happy again. Before marriage, I had been happy, so what had changed? I grew up with a strong sense of God’s presence in my life but years of negative emotions and feelings of worthlessness took its toll.

I changed my diet, started taking vitamin B complex for stress, exercised and did yoga regularly, went back to church and surrounded myself with positive people, thoughts and the things I loved and needed. Gradually, I worked my way out of my depression. It won’t happen overnight, but little by little, “Regretful” will become an example of positive behavior for her children, and they may come back around. She needs to get busy making new memories and a great life for herself and her children. – Blessed and Happy Woman

Dear Blessed: These are all wonderful tips for improving one’s mood and overall health, alongside the counsel of a doctor.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book – featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette – is available as a paperback and e-book.