Annie Lane

Dear Annie: I read your column every day. Of course, lately, the issues revolve around COVID-19 and the problem of being unable to gather for significant events, especially holidays. People seem to be going the extra mile to find alternative ways to “gather.”

I would appreciate it if you could remind your readers that there are those who are alone on all the holidays, not just during this pandemic. I’ve been alone for many years on these holidays and have learned to make the best of it, stay busy and positive. I find ways to perhaps make others less lonely, which has helped me in return.

However, there is always a bit of underlying sadness. I know I would love it if someone would reach out to me with a phone call to say happy holidays or that they were thinking of me. I do have distant family and friends, but everyone gets busy and doesn’t seem to understand how important that 10-minute conversation would be to anyone who is alone.

For that matter, it doesn’t even need to be a holiday or birthday call. Please take 10 minutes of your time and make someone’s day brighter. Whenever someone takes the time to say they are thinking of me, I smile all day. – Appreciating Kindness

Dear Appreciating Kindness: Your letter touched my heart, and I can just picture you smiling all day because someone took the time to call you. The holiday season is a wonderful reminder of how we can all help each other, especially people we know who are alone. That really is the spirit of Christmas.

Dear Annie: My husband and I have adult children, ages 20 and 29, both of whom are girls. He refuses to make them grow up.

The older one asks him to make calls to places such as the airport to check on parking or to arrange appointments. He goes to her house to help her make plane reservations and has always done her taxes.

The younger one is living at home, and he calls her “the baby” all the time. He follows behind her, picking up after her, checking her school assignments, grades and school email, telling her what is due. I tell him we need to teach them to be independent, but he says he wants to help them as much as possible before he dies. He is 68. How do I deal with this? – Fed up with the Babying

Dear Fed Up: Sadly, your husband is not doing his children any favors by continuing to make them dependent on him. The goal of parents should be to give their children good roots when they are young. Teaching them how to care for themselves and be polite and responsible members of society, with wings to fly away from the nest and create their own lives separate from their parents.

Give a man a fish and he has one meal; teach him how to fish and he can feed himself for life. That is what your husband needs to do, and you know it. Sit him down and share the impact of his babying. Ask him about his concerns about trying to help them before he dies. If he still does not get it or if there are some deep-rooted fears present, then it might be time to go to family counseling.

Dear Annie: I am a 64-year-old truck driver from East Texas. I went to a gentlemen’s club and befriended a dancer there, “Renee,” and I have grown to love her dearly in my heart. I feel she is a good-hearted, loving, beautiful and special woman. She is a queen in my heart. She has a 3-year-old daughter, and I want to accept her in my heart as well. She needs to have a father figure in her life.

I have asked to take Renee and her family out to eat sometime to show her how much I love her. I have shown my love with gifts for her and her daughter. I have bought flowers, cards and teddy bears. Yet, Renee won’t return my calls, and she rarely responds to my texts. It hurts me deeply. I haven’t been eating or sleeping much.

I feel in my heart that she doesn’t really want to be in the job that she is now and that maybe I could take her away from that. She says I am different from other men who go there and that I have her heart. But she’s said that kind of thing only when in the club and drinking. I wonder whether it’s just the alcohol talking. I pray every day for her and her family to be OK. Will I ever be able to make her love me? – Aching Heart in East Texas

Dear Aching: The best way to show your respect for this woman is to give her and her daughter some space. You’ve made it clear you’re interested, so trust that she’ll reach out to you one day if she feels the same. Rather than waiting around for that day to come, get busy opening other doors for yourself. First, meet more women. During the pandemic, I encourage you to do this from the safety of your own home. Websites such as Match.com and eHarmony are excellent resources and full of people who are looking for meaningful long-term relationships. Second, I’d recommend trying therapy, as it sounds like you might be battling with depression or feelings of isolation. This can be done remotely, too, through websites such as Talkspace, BetterHelp or Online-Therapy.com. Or you can call the SAMHSA helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) to be referred to providers and resources in your area.

Dear Annie: Everyone enjoys seeing monarchs fly thousands of miles south on their annual journey to Mexico this time of year. Many people also enjoy guacamole or avocados. However, most people don’t realize the FDA requires that Haas avocados, the main type of avocado, be imported from Michoacan, Mexico, where thousands of monarchs, an endangered species, have migrated on the oyamel firs, the only trees they overwinter on, for 10,000 years. Farmers deforest the oyamel forests the monarchs depend on in order to produce Haas avocados. Everyone needs to do their part to support U.S. avocado farmers and monarchs so they will be able to migrate for another 10,000 years. – Monarch Watcher

Dear Monarch Watcher: I was not aware of this before, but I know from now on I’ll be looking for U.S.-grown avocados. Thank you for the tip. “Butterflies are nature’s angels. They remind us what a gift it is to be alive.” – Robyn Nola

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book – featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette – is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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