Annie Lane

Dear Annie: While I don’t hate holidays, nor dread them, as “Holiday Anxiety” expressed, I don’t go “all in” either. I believe in moderation, in all things, including moderation.

All my close family has gone to their rewards. None of my high school and earlier friends has time or money for more than immediate family, and my partner passed a decade ago. I’m 61 and find myself refreshingly able to control my own life.

I do miss the family traditions, the scents and the decorations; I am also now aware of the time and effort my parents and grandparents put in to create these memories, and I am grateful. And I absolutely hate Halloween decor immediately replaced by Christmas stuff. Where’s Thanksgiving?

For “Holiday Anxiety,” I suggest:

1. I make gift baskets for shelter animals and their keepers. Cat litter, dog food, paper towels and sanitizer might not seem very “gifty,” but you drop some off with gift cards and pet toys, and you’re a hero. I gave a local shelter administrator a glittery holiday card including $100; the lady burst into tears, which made me proud and happy. Spend $100 and get a million in gratitude back.

2. Our country is chock-a-block with kids who eat ketchup sandwich meals, if they eat at all. Shames me, ‘cuz even though I’m a disabled veteran, I have no excuse for being fat, ‘cept I eat too much and have too much. I give through the VA, Catholic charities, the Salvation Army and do food drives. If you hate the holidays, then make them better for someone else. You will benefit. Giving is the best reward.

3. Walk the streets and absorb the atmosphere. See the kids, bright-eyed and full of wonder; look at the window displays. Smell the food, the firewood, the goodies. Just be in the moment.

4. If possible, go ice skating. It is impossible to be bitter and holiday hatin’ on a pair of skates, especially if the ’40s music is on. Try. You can’t, even on your butt.

5. A small decoration can work wonders. Unlike my parents, who created holiday displays visible from space – really – I have a four-foot artificial tree, decorated with heirloom ornaments and light strings. I buy pine-scented stuff, and, like the ’70s high schooler I am still, I drape a cord of little lights around my bedroom. Those lil twinkly lights make me feel at home for the holidays.

6. Enjoy seasonal music. Force yourself if you “hate” it. Listen to the Christian and secular, feel and fall into the lyrics. You’ll feel better.

And if your writer can do none of this, that’s fine, too. Some folk just can’t. I wish I could reach out and share my take on the holidays with “Holiday Anxiety,” ‘cuz I used to think I hated them, too.

I’m alone, but not lonely. I’m not a Christian, but love the idea of Christmas.

I take Thanksgiving very seriously, as I have much for which to be thankful.

I don’t “decorate” nor do I “buy special things,” and all with whom I would have exchanged gifts are deceased. And given my lack of kitchen skill, any cookies I made would most likely get me arrested or find me homeless, after burning my house down.

But I enjoy the season, simply because I enjoy the pleasure of others. I cannot Grinch in the presence of joy, just can’t. Is it possible “Holiday Anxiety” could come to the “light,” just accept the message and ignore the commercialism?

Peace, safety, and love upon you and yours, ma’am, in this time of turmoil and disruption. – Ryan C.

Dear Ryan: I couldn’t have said it better myself. Giving and appreciating what we have are the best rewards. Thank you for sharing and spreading some holiday cheer.

Dear Annie: I have two grown children living at home. Both are disrespectful to me and to my husband. I feel obligated to allow them to live here since they don’t have anywhere to go, stable jobs or means of transportation. How can I get rid of them and move on with my life? – Tired of Carrying Grown Children

Dear Tired of Carrying: Let them stand on their own two feet. Ask your son and daughter to start paying rent or to find their own places. If you feel guilty, as though that’s too much to ask, then just imagine if you were in their shoes: Would you expect your mom and dad to pay your way well into your 20s and 30s? I think not.

They are grown adults capable of taking care of themselves. By letting them find that out, you’ll be doing them a favor in the long run.

Dear Annie: I contracted genital herpes 35 years ago when a sex partner failed to tell me he had this virus. Over time, outbreaks became shorter, less frequent and virtually painless. Based on talks with others with GH, this is typical of the virus’ progression. Most claim that the worst thing about having GH is confessing this to a prospective sex partner. I did this recently.

“Kenny” and I dated briefly 44 years ago, and then parted to lead separate lives while on active duty. He called me out of the blue last summer, and we began talking and texting every day. We believed we had a lot in common and might someday be together. He regularly expressed his affection for me and often told me how happy he was that we have reconnected, albeit from 600 miles away.

I was amazed and grateful. I really believed I’d found a man who was so happy to have me in his life again that he’d stay with me through thick and thin. Wrong!

During a talk about our childhood viral diseases, I made the excruciatingly difficult decision to tell him I had GH. His response was, “Oh, wow!” Then silence, followed by a change of subject. We hung up, and he has not called me or answered my calls since. I am so broken-hearted. Kenny effectively told me that my having GH negated every single good quality that he saw in me.

So Annie, what do you say to people like me who do the right thing and to people like Kenny who are on the receiving end of this news? There are a lot of us out there who have GH. – Rejected

Dear Rejected: To those on the receiving end of this news, I’d say keep an open mind. HSV-2 is more common than you’d think. In the United States, more than 1 in 6 people between the ages of 14 and 49 have genital herpes, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. HSV-1 (which causes oral herpes) is even more prevalent, infecting around two-thirds of the global population, according to the World Health Organization. There are many ways to have a safe and fulfilling sex life despite a herpes diagnosis.

To those who have been rejected after sharing their status with a potential partner, I’d say chin up. Having this STD is not exceptional; having the moral fortitude to disclose it is. When you meet someone who can appreciate this, you’ll know you’ve found a good one.

To find a testing center near you, visit https://www.cdc.gov/std, click “Prevention”; then click “Which STD Tests Should I Get?”