Annie Lane

Dear Annie: I have an aunty who has been there for me since my childhood. She has always had my back. My mum is absent, and this aunty the one who has filled in for her all these years. Years back, I felt like I could tell her anything and she would understand me. I adored her so much, still do. But recently, I began to feel a disconnect between us. I asked her why she had been distant lately, and she said that she feels as though I’m competing with her child for her attention. No matter how much I try to explain my feelings — how important our relationship is to me — she brushes me off. I feel so helpless now. What do I do? — Aunty Anxiety

Dear Aunty Anxiety: Give her space to work out whatever the issue seems to be. Maybe her child has been complaining and pushing her to pay less attention to you, or they’ve been going through some hardship and your aunty feels guilty, believing she hasn’t given all the attention to her child that she could have. Whatever the case, this is about her, not you. Do your best not to take it personally. Remember that you are loved.

Dear Annie: My boyfriend and I have been in an undefined relationship for six months. He has been married before and now is divorced. One thing he has reiterated time and again during these six months is that he doesn’t need a woman and having a girlfriend adds nothing to his life. When I ask him why he says things like this, which are painful to me, he says it’s due to bad experiences in his past relationships. But he tells me that he wants me.

I am starting to feel uncomfortable with our arrangement. He says that he will never get married. I want to get married. I don’t know any of his friends, and he has never taken me out. I’ve asked him why we can’t go out with his friends. He used to say it was because I needed to dress flasher — wear sexier dresses. I’ve bought flashier clothes, and he still won’t take me out. Now, he says he just doesn’t like to go out. In reality, before we met, I know for a fact that he used to go out and spend time with his friends and he still does sometimes; he just doesn’t invite me. He has never given me anything, not even a small birthday present.

I am sick to my stomach over this. I feel as though he’s ashamed of me — and that shame is the real reason that he does not want to introduce me to his friends or take me anywhere.

I want to stay away from him, but at the same time, I’m really confused. Whenever I get upset with something he says, he calls me back and says he loves me. I think that he’s just using me. — Second-Guessing

Dear Second-Guessing: He can profess his love for you all day long; if he doesn’t have the actions to back it up, it’s nothing more than hot air. Throw this fickle froggy back in the pond. You deserve to be with someone who is proud to introduce you to his friends. Don’t accept anything less.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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