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Reconnecting with an old flame: Your other half is within you

By Annie Lane - Dear Annie | May 30, 2020

Annie Lane

Dear Annie: In July of last year, I saw three psychics, and they all told me that when I started college in September I would meet the love of my life again. I didn’t believe them because I have no luck in that department. Well, within a week I ran into my old boyfriend, whom I dated at two different times in my life.

The first time that “Trey” and I met was in high school. My brother introduced us. I was 14, still playing with Barbies, and I didn’t know how to kiss. We were both nerds. He wore an orange tuxedo to prom. We continued dating for a little while after high school graduation, before he left for the military. It ended soon after.

When we reconnected, I was 21 and had become a single mom, and he was in Texas for military training. We had so much fun whenever he’d visit. But the distance was hard, and I was struggling with the challenges of single motherhood. We ended things on good terms.

Then I ran into him last fall. He said he’d always wondered if we would see each other again. That day I realized one thing for certain: that the piece I’d been missing in my soul was him. I felt home.

Unfortunately, I looked him up online afterward and saw that he had gotten married in June. That broke my heart.

I know he’s a wonderful man for a husband, and he would make an excellent father. I would be honored to have his children, even if we didn’t end up staying together afterward. Should I tell him how I feel, since marriage doesn’t mean anything nowadays, or live in regret and heartbreak? I feel like we belong together but we did it wrong. He was the only boyfriend who treated me like a person, but I blew it both times. – Pining for the One Who Slipped Away

Dear Pining for the One Who Slipped Away: This man was a love of your life. But he won’t be the love of your life. And while he may have been the first boyfriend to treat you well, he won’t be the last. You will make sure of that by developing better self-esteem. Throw yourself headfirst into your college classes; try new hobbies; get out there and meet new people. In time, you will come to find that Trey wasn’t your missing piece; you were whole on your own.

Dear Annie: With all of the recognition going on out there for various groups of people working during the coronavirus crisis, all of whom are very worthy, no one has even thought of newspaper carriers. We are out there on the front line. We are out there 364 days a year with no federal holidays off, no long weekends, just delivery 364 days a year with only Christmas Day off.

I am up at 1 a.m. every day and out the door with our papers by 3 a.m.! We deliver against all odds and whatever Mother Nature throws at us. Some people reward us for good service; some just complain. Some people never even think of a tip for the carrier. Bottom line, Annie, I ask the folks who read your column in the newspaper I deliver to them to remember their carrier. … Even just a thank you would make us feel that we are making a difference. After all, we are the ones bringing you the latest news! – Patsy in Naugatuck, Conn.

Dear Patsy in Naugatuck, Conn.: As a newspaper columnist, I especially owe gratitude to the hardworking newspaper carriers throughout the country. Please accept my sincere thanks.

Dear Annie: I have been dating this boy for about eight months. We are both in our teens, and we are in love, to say the least. We talked about getting promised, and I was wondering at what age would it be OK to be promised.

I would love to get promised, except for what others would think.

My friend just got engaged to her fiancee at 17, and it seems really strange, but I can see how it could be easy to say yes. Anyway, my boyfriend was thinking about getting promised on our one-year anniversary, and he has a ring too. – Young Love

Dear Young Love: Congratulations on your newfound love. What a beautiful thing it is to be in love. Focus on your relationship and your growth as individuals rather than what other people might think. Enjoy your time together as boyfriend and girlfriend, and then you can enjoy your time together as fiancees, and then, eventually, you can enjoy your time as husband and wife.

Your friend getting engaged at 17 does seem a bit young. Why the rush to marry? In most states, the law is that if you are under the age of 18, you have to have your parents’ consent. Take your time and enjoy your young love each day and every moment.

Dear Annie: There has been a recent dust-up in our family over my brother’s and his wife’s views against vaccinating their kids. My brother’s wife will, on occasion, post something on Facebook against vaccines, and some of us will respond with a differing view. This has caused tension, to say the least, and to rectify this, some of us have unfriended or unfollowed her on Facebook.

The real issue is this: My brother and his wife feel it is their right to not vaccinate. But isn’t it the rest of the family’s right to not be exposed? I bring this up because, I am immunosuppressed due to a transplant, and my aunt and uncle are both in their 90s. If the unvaccinated niece exposes us to a virus, it can quite possibly kill us. How do we associate with my brother and family without taking this risk?

My brother believes my parents caught pneumonia by getting the pneumonia shot, which is not possible. The pneumonia shot is not a live virus shot. I can counter his beliefs with many publications by the Centers for Disease Control, American Medical Association and other legitimate organizations, as well as advice from doctors, but my brother and his wife refuse to do the research on these issues. – Frustrated in Arizona

Dear Frustrated in Arizona: Your frustration is understandable, and I don’t see the dust settling anytime soon if your brother and his wife continue to not listen to doctors or research medical facts about the importance of vaccinations.

Yes, they have a right to choose not to be vaccinated. And you have a right to be concerned about your safety and that of your aunt and uncle. However, what I see missing from this dust-up is listening. Using Facebook isn’t really communicating. Have a phone call or video chat with your brother and sister-in-law. State your concerns clearly. And then listen to theirs without judgment. It sounds like your brother has serious fears from your parents developing pneumonia. By hearing him out, you might help alleviate his fears. And then he and his wife might be able to hear you in a new way.

If they still choose not to be vaccinated, and you wish to see your brother and sister-in-law, ask your doctor for guidelines. Be careful and focus on staying healthy – emotionally and physically.

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