Annie Lane

Dear Annie: I am a woman in my 80s, and I like to sit and enjoy my morning daily cup of tea looking out of the upstairs window of my home. The window faces the street and has Venetian blinds that I can adjust horizontally.

One day, a male neighbour in his 40s was walking to his car that was parked on the street near the front of my house. He looked up at me and shouted at me to leave my window.

I was surprised that he even noticed me and that I was yelled at. I have been nervous to look out my window ever since.

Is window watching OK? – Window Watching

Dear Window Watching: Don’t let some overly paranoid and rude man ruin your morning ritual. Assuming you don’t have a pair of binoculars and are not disturbing anyone, keep looking out your window and enjoying your tea. No one has the right to take that away from you. In fact, one could ask what that man was doing looking up at your window.

All that said, in the interest of getting along, you could also introduce yourself and show him this column.

Dear Annie: After four years of a long-distance relationship, my fiance just moved from his home state to mine. He retired, and although he is financially stable, we still have to stay on a budget to be able to afford our living expenses, future travel and entertainment. We budget how often we can go out to dinner each week. We even budget our drinks.

Because I have lots of single girlfriends who love him and are excited for me, every time we go out to meet them for a drink or meal, they don’t budge on getting their wallets out when the bill comes, and my fiance feels obligated to get the whole bill so as not to look cheap. However, we are now in a position of having to go out less frequently or lower the quality of restaurants we go to.

Do I need to stop seeing my girlfriends or just meet them alone, where we can split the bill like we used to before he moved here? I just don’t know how to not sound cheap but make sure he isn’t always stuck with the bill. – Frustrated at the Single Gals

Dear Frustrated: Congrats on this new chapter of your love. If your friends love him that much, why are they treating him like a sugar daddy? I understand if he wants to be generous and pick up the bill a few times, but it is sort of rude of your friends to not even budge on getting out their wallets. Regardless of gender, no one likes to give when they feel the party they are giving to expects it and doesn’t appreciate it.

Perhaps you should just stick to girls’ night out and go back to splitting the bill. If you want your friends to get to know your boyfriend more, maybe have them over to the house, or wait until they find their own boyfriends and double date.

Dear Annie: My son and his fiancee are getting married next month at the courthouse in the city where they live. Due to their feelings about COVID-19 and the travel involved (they live in another state), family is not invited and they will only have their two attendants.

They plan on having another ceremony for family and friends in 2022.

How are other families handling situations like these? I never thought I wouldn’t be invited to my son’s wedding. He is acting like it’s not a big deal, and I’m trying to respect that. But I’m a little hurt. We would’ve traveled there even if it is just at the courthouse.

Do we give them their wedding gift now or wait, or do both? – Sad Mom

Dear Sad Mom: My congratulations on your son’s marriage and my sympathies that you can’t be there in person to see it officiated. Perhaps your son could set up his phone to stream a live video from the courthouse that you and other friends and family members can watch to feel more part of the ceremony. As for the wedding present, it’s entirely up to you to give one now or wait until the friends-and-family ceremony. Both options are equally thoughtful.

As hard as it will be not to be there in person that day, keep in mind that your son doesn’t want you to be there precisely because he cares about you. And he’s wise to be cautious. There are many instances of weddings, even relatively small ones, becoming hotspots for COVID-19 transmission. Take the Texas wedding in June at which at least 12 people were infected, including the 76-year-old grandfather of the groom, who ended up in the emergency room with double pneumonia, and the stepmother of the groom, who missed the births of two grandchildren because she was sick and quarantining.

Then in August, there was the Maine wedding that resulted in at least 170 cases and eight deaths. (None of the people who died had attended the wedding, but they had each been in contact with someone who did.)

While a handful of people at the courthouse would pose less risk than a large reception, it’s still a risk. Plus, small guest lists have a way of multiplying: If they invited you, then they’d have to invite the bride’s parents, too. Then the grandparents and siblings might want to come. And so on.

Of course, it’s a huge disappointment that you won’t be there when your son is legally married. Looking at the big picture, though, you’ve raised a conscientious young man who has found the love of his life. In a bleak year, that is blissful news.

Dear Annie: As a man nearing 40, my wife and I hit a stretch of low to no intimacy. I was always tired and had little interest. Finally, I got the nerve to visit a hormone specialist and discovered I had low testosterone. Testosterone replacement therapy has saved our marriage and turned the clock back in the bedroom. I feel like I’m in my mid-20s. It has helped tremendously with my overall mood and everyday life. If done correctly by the specialist, there are no ill effects on fertility, so having children will still be possible. – Revitalized

Dear Revitalized: Thanks for the tip. I encourage anyone experiencing low sex drive to talk to their doctors to suss out the underlying issue. It can sometimes signal serious health problems.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book – featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette – is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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