Under an auto spell
So, how was your Valentine’s Day? I must say mine got off to an interesting start around 5:30 a.m. I had been on the air at WZID about a half hour or so, when I opened my brief case later than usual that morning. The first thing I saw was a greeting card from Barbara, my lovely Lady Baba. She apparently snuck it in before going to bed, and at that point, I was glad that I had left her a card on the kitchen counter before departing for the station a few hours earlier.
The envelope had an awkward bulge, so I opened it gingerly. Luckily it wasn’t one of those annoying musical greeting cards that plays a few bars of “Mambo No. 5” or some other random song. The front of the card showed a refrigerator with a note that read “Feb. 14 To-Do list.” As I opened the card a tube of ChapStick fell onto the desk as I read the borderline naughty words that inferred there might be excessive kissing expected of me that night. Thus, the lip balm.
I get it. Very cute and clever and romantic. In a twist of serendipity, the card I bought for Lady Baba had a picture of one of those candy hearts that have an expression, like “Miss You” or “xoxo.” The candy on my card read “Kiss me.” On the inside, the message said, “Do as the candy commands.”
Very cool. We’re on the same page. I cracked open the ChapStick container and gave my lips a healthy coating of pucker protection. After all, with dry weather and Valentine’s Day, I was in for the challenge of my life.
This is where the story takes a strange turn. At 5:34 a.m., I texted her with a fresh question: “What should I do with the chopstick? Happy V-Day xo.”
OK, read the text again, out loud if you have to. “What should I do with the chopstick?” In my haste to send a text message quickly, I never noticed that I was ambushed by my phone’s autocorrect feature and my ChapStick was turned into a Chinese food table device. I followed up with a manually corrected version replacing chopstick with ChapStick.
At 6:06 a.m., I received the following communique via phone from Barbie: “Love my card. Good thing I got you chopstick. Like the card said, ‘Kiss me. Do as the candy commands…xo.’” Then, at 6:07 a.m., again from Barb: “Oops. Autocorrect ... did it to me too!”
I suppose we should’ve taken a cue from the universal powers and had dinner out at a Chinese restaurant. Or maybe buy stock in Wyeth, makers of ChapStick. After all, they are surveying fans on their Facebook page about possible new lip balm flavors that could include cheesecake, peanut butter, pizza and cookie dough. By the way, want a good laugh? Check out the website DamnYouAutocorrect.com.
Thanks for reading, and I hope everyone has an egg salad week. That should read: excellent week.
Hear Mike Morin weekdays from 5-10 a.m. on “New Hampshire in the Morning” on 95.7 WZID. Contact him at Heymikey@aol.com. His column runs the first, third and fifth Tuesdays of the month.