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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

State of the Column

Mike Morin

Good morning, my fellow Americans and column readers. Welcome to my State of the Column address for 2012. Unlike the president’s speech last week, you do not have to put down the newspaper and applaud every three sentences. However, if you are seeing this on your computer, feel free to put your hands together and let out a loud whoop every time you read something you like.

The year 2011 was a breakthrough year for food in my life. After much soul-searching, I decided to make peace with cilantro. I still think it tastes like soap, and maybe I like it because of childhood memories of having my mouth washed out with soap for uttering words not found on the approved Catholic school boy list. This year, 2012, may be the year that I begin to accept olives into my life. Olive oil is fine, but whole olives make me gack. If I make the leap to olives this year, don’t get too excited. I’m at least five years away from having tapenaude in my house.

In 2011, I interviewed chef Todd English, who interestingly owns a couple of restaurants named Olives (what else?). Anyway, while visiting English at his restaurant, Tuscany, we snacked on pistachio sausage slices. Then, he brought out an emu egg to show me. I’m still not sure why, but it was impressive. Expect me to warm up to emu frittatas by 2017.

Sticking with food, I won first place in a mac and cheese bake-off last year. I did not win three weeks ago in the 2012 competition. I fired my staff as a result and have openings for sous chefs who will not sneak tapenaude into my kitchen. I’m working on my 2013 recipe entry. Even Paula Deen won’t believe how good it is and will double up on her meds because it will be so worth trying.

Last year found me searching for a new tax preparer for the first time in 25 years. Now I have to train my new CPA as I take deductions for things like Hostess Twinkies (I’m hoarding them as hedge investments against falling gold prices).

In 2012, I hope to see more of New Hampshire. Last year marked my first ascent to the summit of Mount Washington. On a day when I should’ve seen all of the Granite State, all I could see was the tip of my nose thanks to cotton candy-like fog atop the rock pile.

This year, I pledge to double the number of Fisher Price toys in my house. At 60, I am being re-educated about kids, thanks to Lady Baba’s expanding number of adorable grandkids. I promise not to turn and run when asked to assemble another Eddie Bauer Complete Care Play Yard. And I pledge not to get my butt wedged in their Bumbo (baby seat) in an attempt to make 18-month-old toddlers wet themselves with laughter.

And that’s my State of the Column address. Time to check the business pages for the latest Twinkies futures.

Hear Mike Morin weekdays from 5-10 a.m. on “New Hampshire in the Morning” on 95.7 WZID. Contact him at Heymikey@aol.com. His column runs the first, third and fifth Tuesdays of the month.