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Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Do you copy that?

Mike Morin

I love Craigslist. It helps me sell stuff, and it makes me laugh – a combination you cannot get anywhere else. Just this past weekend, I bought a 249cc Ariens snow blower for a great price. Then, within 24 hours, I sold my old machine, also on Craigslist. But enough about me. Every so often, I cruise CL and troll for amusing postings. Here are a few of my recent funny finds:

Springfield, Mass.: “I am nearing towards my due date and I am miserable. My child is about 9 lbs now and I still have 2 weeks to go. I was hoping that tonight’s full moon will do the trick, but this child is as snug as a bug. I’m looking for someone who possesses Jedi powers to use their mind tricks on my child to convince him to come early.”

Beverly Hills, Calif.: “Did you happen to lose your teeth while cavorting in the pool or perhaps you took them out and put them poolside as you did laps and forgot to pick them back up when you were done? Well, they’re waiting for you next to the pool’s stairs where you DISGUSTINGLY LEFT THEM. I’m not about to touch them except to kick them out onto the street (or maybe back into the deep end of the pool) if they’re still there tomorrow.”

Cheyenne, Wyo.: “Autographed copy of the Bible. I’ve read it three times. Pretty boring.”

Buffalo, N.Y.: “Stop waiting for your grandma to die so you can have her car! Buy this one and have a real old-lady car of your own. 1987 Cutlass Sierra (sic). I know you’ve heard it a million times, but this car has really only been driven to church and the grocery store, and the cemetery. Old people love to go to the cemetery. It is believed that this car traveled as far as West Seneca for a funeral once. There are some battle scars on the body from lost fights with a white vinyl sided home, mostly on the passenger side.”

Bozeman, Mont.: “I have a functioning time machine and I need a seconnd (sic) person to operate with me. I am leaving on September 30th in the morning and plan to return October 2nd. I am going to June 1983 to handle some business. You do not have to pay anything, but you would have to provide someone to watch my cat for the time we are gone. The only qualifications needed are that you are reliable and that the circumphrence (sic) of your head is no more than 64cm.”

North Atlantic: “Due to the bad economy, I can no longer afford to fill up the diesel tanks on this thing and pay my crew. Therefore, I am forced to sell my 1977 Nimitz-class aircraft carrier. New paint and propellers. 22 knots max. Looking for around $2,000,000 or best offer. No pirates or scammers.”

Anyone up for some time travel with me to August before the Red Sox hit the skids?

Hear Mike Morin weekdays from 5-10 a.m. on “New Hampshire in the Morning” on 95.7 WZID. Contact him at Heymikey@aol.com. His column runs the first, third and fifth Tuesdays of the month.