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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Shake your tree!

Mike Morin

Breaking news: Angelina Jolie is my 10th cousin. That explains a lot. She got all the looks in the family. The rest of us caught a few crumbs from the genetic cupcake while Angelina got the cherry.

Imagine my surprise when I received this information on the subscription genealogy website, Geni.com: “Angelina Jolie is Michael Morin’s 10th cousin.” I read those words again as the color left my face. I finally regained my composure to become quite philosophical about the possibilities.

I suppose I could do worse: “Charlie Sheen is Michael Morin’s first cousin.” Delete.

Grasping for any straw that would validate us as blood relatives, I pulled up cousin Ang’s Geni.com profile to find her heritage is German, Slovak, Iroquois and French-Canadian. Ding ding ding. We have a winner. I am part French-Canadian. Close enough for me. Time to add Angelina and Brad to my Christmas card list.

I’m betting she was just as jazzed when Geni.com alerted her that “Angelina Jolie is related to Mike Morin.” Can you blame her? As WZID radio host and Telegraph columnist, I’m in a position to give her acting career a boost. My little-known cousin finally has the media clout she’s been lacking since her bit part in “Lara Croft: Tomb Raider” 10 years ago. Has she even done a movie since then? Does “Kung Fu Panda” count?

Maybe we’re even closer. Could we actually be third or fourth cousins twice-removed for bad behavior? Then, I noticed a Geni link: “We found the path you requested for Angelina Jolie. Click here to view the path.” I clicked so hard that the “enter” button flew from my keyboard and landed in the umbrella plant.

Now I get it. Geni.com wants me to try their service for 14 days then hopefully, after dining with my long-lost cousin Angelina, sign up for $4.95-a-month and perhaps find out I’m also related to Kirstie Alley. Imagine the poor slob who pays his $5-a-month only to find out Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi from Jersey Shore is his cousin.

I’m not sure how many other people got the you’re-related-to-Angelina-Jolie notification, but I hope my cousin is getting a piece of the action. Now that I think of it, my late, great-grandfather Feyes used to tell me that, as a child in France, he and other children would get to sit on the lap of writer Victor Hugo who penned “Les Miserables.” I’m guessing that story, true or not, was passed around the family a lot when I was a kid.

Even Ellen got in on the celebrity-spoofing action recently when she told guest Reese Witherspoon that she was related to Kate Middleton. Witherspoon wasn’t buying it. I’m not sure Ang is my 10th cousin, but I can tell my great-grandkids about it some day. “You know kids, back in 2002, Angelina Jolie sat on Grampy Mike’s lap. ...”

I’d better get my birth certificate out of mothballs, just in case Donald Trump asks me for proof.

Hear Mike Morin weekdays from 5-10 a.m. on “New Hampshire in the Morning” on 95.7 WZID. Contact him at Heymikey@aol.com. His column runs the first, third and fifth Tuesdays of the month.