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Happiness: The pursuit and ways of attaining it

By Laura Klain - The Good Life | Mar 11, 2018

Editor’s Note: Laura Klain is a resident of Greater Nashua and a life coach. This is her inaugural column, which will run every second Sunday in The Telegraph on the Health and Family page.

Happiness. We all want it. The “pursuit of happiness” is even written into the Constitution. So, why does happiness sometimes feel like it’s just out of reach? You tell yourself, “I’ll be happy once I get the new car, house, mate, friend, pair of shoes, lose the 10 pounds, fill in the blank”…. Then when you get the thing, it’s great for a while, but eventually you’re back to square one: pursuing happiness instead of living and appreciating your life as it is.

Can you generate happiness or is there a finite quantity you are born with?

In recent years, there has been a lot of research done on happiness and the effect it has on our lives. Harvard conducted a 75 year long study called the “Harvard Study on Adult Development,” and it puts forth the idea that as much as 40 percent of happiness is a result of a person’s choice to be happy. That’s right, happiness can be a choice.

As part of my life coach practice, I help clients learn how to create a life that brings them more happiness. They learn to view decisions as choices and relish the good things they have.

One of the ways I teach my clients to increase their happiness is by developing gratitude.

Here are a couple of tips to help you create your own gratitude practice.

Gratitude Journal: Keep a small journal beside your bed (I use one of the tiny composition notebooks that you can get just about anywhere) and before you fall to sleep at night, reflect back on your day and find at least five things that you can be grateful for. I recommend trying this for at least 30 days in order to see the full benefit. Some of my entries are very mundane things like sunshine, a smile from a stranger, or a good cup of coffee. Sometimes I have big things to be grateful for, like receiving a thank you note from a client or having a meaningful conversation with a friend. In the beginning, you may struggle a bit with finding five things, but I am certain that after a few weeks you’ll be filling the page. Paying attention to what you are grateful for shifts your focus. The more you look for good things, the more you will find them. This practice will help to redirect your focus from what you wish you had to all of the good things you already have, some of which you may not have even noticed before.

Give: Giving is a great way to increase your gratitude and create happiness in other people’s lives as well. When you’re feeling generous you’re usually happy. Think about how it feels to fall in love. The birds are singing, you smile at everyone you meet, and you’re feeling grateful and generous of heart. Maybe you leave a bigger tip at the restaurant when you’re out with your significant other. Maybe you don’t mind as much when someone cuts you off in traffic because eh, who cares? You’re in love. Well, even if you’re not feeling that way right at this moment (although I sure hope some of you are!), a great way to build your happiness muscle is to turn the tables. Give to feel generous. Now, I’m not just talking about donating money to charity or paying for someone’s coffee, though they are certainly nice things to do! There are lots of ways to give that don’t even involve money.

Here are a few ideas:

– Give your friend the kindness of listening to her without judgment.

– Call your Mom just to tell her you love her.

– Clean up the common space at the office, just because.

– Leave the good parking space for the next person.

– Smile and say hello to an older person on the street.

– Compliment someone on a job well done.

There is something powerful about using your time and energy to focus on gratitude and generosity. You end up feeling bigger and more loving and guess what else? You feel happier.

I hope these tips are helpful to you and I’d love to hear any insights or experiences you have as a result of trying them out. Feel free to email me at: laura@budtoblossom.net

The Good Life runs on the second Sunday of the month. Laura Klain is a women’s empowerment and mindfulness coach and the owner of Bud to Blossom Life Design, which is located at 92 Main St., Suite 104, Nashua. She works with private clients and conducts classes and workshops on mindfulness and a variety of other topics throughout New England. You can learn more about her at: www.budtoblossom.net and on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/BudtoBlossom/.

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