Breaking up with a credit card, fees

Kerchunk. Grindddddddd. That’s the sound of my Bank of America credit card being eaten by my shredder if it socks me with an annual fee for keeping a zero balance every month.

You haven’t heard? B of A is toying with the idea of hitting you up with a $29 to $99 fee for paying your monthly credit card bill on time. I’m reading that about 1 percent of its customers will be assessed a fee as an experiment.

I won’t stand for it. Will you?

We teach our kids to be responsible with their money. They listen to us. They pay their credit-card bill in full every month. They get penalized. The credit-card companies make us look like idiots.

You already know that new laws take effect early next year restricting credit-card issuers from raising interest rates on existing balances.

So, guess what? Good customers like us might be asked to cough up some extra cash to help them out.

Grinddddddd. That’s the sound of my clenched teeth as I try to understand why we’re getting spanked for being smart consumers. My guess is that a percentage of these select credit-card holders will either miss the fee by oversight or just pay to get it over with.

I was OK with the fact that Bank of America reduced my credit line by 50 percent earlier this year. But this is the line in the sand I will not let it cross.

If my February credit-card statement contains a fee for being money smart, I will send the following note to my credit card company of 22 years. I may well up a bit as I write this, so bear with me. Divorce is not pretty.

“Dear Bank of America, Thank you for the convenience of your credit card services since 1987. I regret to inform you that I will no longer need your help in managing my monthly purchases. I will begin using my credit union card, which has no penalties for keeping a zero balance.

“You know, B of A, we’ve been through a lot together in those 22 years. I bought my 10-year-old daughter a new bike with my B of A credit card in 1990. I took her to Disney World on that card in 1995. Yes, I even bought the KitchenAid mixer that kneads the dough for the homemade bread I make.

“Speaking of dough, why are you taking more of it from me for paying you back on time every month? I’ll miss those good old days. I’d buy a suit, pay for it with plastic, get my credit-card bill and send you your money before a late fee kicked in. Is this how you treat me after our 22-year marriage?

“Luckily, I don’t need a mortgage, and my credit scores are good. So kissing a two-decade-old credit card goodbye won’t kill me.

“To quote Gloria Gaynor, ‘I Will Survive.’ And so will you.

“Regards, Mike Morin.”

Hear Mike Morin weekdays from 5-10 a.m. on “New Hampshire in the Morning” on 95.7 WZID. Contact him at Heymikey@aol.com.